Most of us are wanting to love and be loved. Our relationships are going to bring our deepest issues and vulnerabilities to the surface. My desire has always been to remain present and be fully engaged. After years of trying I learned that I can only do my part. I cannot do my partner’s process for her. There are some things that cannot be fixed or resolved when one or both partners are not willing to be fully present, look at themselves or address the issues that arise. I had to learn to accept that even if it meant the relationship would come to an end as a result.
I could feel the part of me that wanted so much for things to work out and the fears that the relationship was going to inevitably come to an end. Breathing into these feelings helped me to let go when things were not working. It helped me to see the other person for who she truly was, understand her limitations and to accept things as they are in the relationship.
After some time I began to see how my life was revolving around the other person. I would catch myself becoming so caught up in the drama and then pull my awareness back into my own body. I started breathing into my fears of loss and my need to control the outcome. That helped me to realize that I cannot change my partner and to accept what I had no control over. I became more and more focused on what I needed to be doing for my own growth.
Many of us have a tendency to become overly attached to others and we get sucked into their dramas because we have not developed the foundation that we need to stand on our own. We have become so disconnected from our internal source. Working with intensive spiritual practices helps to build the strong foundational structures and deepen our connection to the higher power so that we can stand on our own.
I increased the amount of time that I spent working with the practices that were helping me to grow and focused more on the things that I really needed to be doing to get ahead in my own life. I became the center of my own universe. I took the attitude that says “I’m going to do my own process. You can walk along beside me if you want to, but I’m going to keep moving forward.” Ironically, I began to attract healthier companions as a result.
Living From Your Own Center
It’s easy to find yourself getting sucked into the drama of a relationship and then your life begins to revolve around that of your partner. Revolving around another person will throw you off balance emotionally and that can make you very unattractive.
Get a life of your own. Your first commitment needs to be to yourself. Start by asking yourself “What’s important to me?” Having a sense of what’s important to you and taking constructive action on a daily basis to make your dreams a tangible reality will cause you to become far more attractive as an individual.
Show up and remain fully present when your partner is willing to engage and keep yourself open to the opportunities you find to connect with the people with whom you truly resonate. There are also times when you need to let go of everyone and everything else. Focus on what you need to be doing to address your own needs. Fully immerse yourself in the practices that are enabling you to heal and grow as an individual. Being true to yourself makes you more attractive. Either your partner will come back towards you or you will end up attracting someone else who is healthier.
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