Many people have adopted a mindset that says a relationship will only happen if it’s truly meant to be. Conversely we say “It just wasn’t meant to be” when a relationship does not work out the way we want it to. There is some truth to the fact that we form attachments and remain connected to the people with whom we share a special bond. At other times we do not connect or the relationship breaks apart when there is nothing to hold us together.

Operating from a “if it’s meant to be mindset” can easily become a cop out by preventing us from taking total responsibility for ourselves and our actions. We sometimes interrupt our opportunities to get what we truly want because we are not showing up fully present as active participants in our lives.

Our lives are not predestined. We are faced with all kinds of challenges, and yet life is to a large extent what we make of it. Many of the potential connections we could be enjoying with people who could bring something of great value into our lives never have a chance to develop because of the barriers we have created around ourselves. Relationships often get off to a good start initially, but fail over time because many of us are just not willing to make the commitment to do what it takes for them to thrive. It’s important for us to give any relationship we value our best. If the relationship doesn’t work out the way we wanted it to, then we will at least have the satisfaction of knowing we did the best we could.

I used to be very shy and that often prevented me from engaging with women. That all started to change when I began to confront my fears by approaching the women I found myself attracted to. There were times in my past when my own emotional wounds created a disruptive influence that caused women who initially found me attractive to run in the opposite direction. The process of healing that has taken place as a result of years of intensive practice has made it easier for me to form healthy attachments with partners who are better suited for me. Working with these practices has also made it possible for me to see how the stress, pain and confusion held within people’s bodies that create barriers between themselves and others.

Sometimes we’re not in an open or receptive space to connect with others because we’re way too stressed out about what’s going on in our present day lives. Emotional wounds resulting from past suffering can make it difficult for us to open up to another person. The person we find ourselves attracted to may be operating from a fearful and guarded mindset that causes them to build walls around themselves that prevent anyone from getting close.

Mr. or Ms. Right can show up anytime and anywhere. The person who strikes up a conversation at a supermarket could very well be the best match we will ever encounter in our entire lives. We will never know unless we actually take the risk of talking with the person and follow up with subsequent communication and meet again.

We interrupt many opportunities to connect with the kind of person we long for because of our fears, social inhibitions and rigid mindset that says we can only open up and allow ourselves the opportunity to get to know someone under a very limited set of circumstances.

At other times we may become fixated on a partner who is not healthy for us. These kinds of relationships tend to have an addictive element to them. The painful emotions held within make it difficult for us to let go and move on in our lives. We may even attribute the addictive drama we find ourselves caught up in to some kind of karmic bond.

Native elders from some of the Plains Indian tribes here in the United States sometimes spoke of people who had “died outside of their time” and talked about how they sometimes became stuck in between this world and the afterlife.” Some of the tribal medicine men were known to collect the spirits of those who had experienced an untimely death. The spirits of those who had died outside of their time were held in a bundle kept by the medicine man. The medicine man would then on certain occasions perform a ceremony to help these souls make their transition into the afterlife.

I spent years training with a traditional American Indian doctor. People who have had the opportunity to work with me have healed from anxiety and depression, digestive and respiratory disorders, physical injuries and a wide range other conditions. Many people do not understand how this work would facilitate their healing. Others do a session or two and run as soon as the underlying emotions and issues begin to surface. That saddens me; because I watch many people could heal relatively easily continue to suffer needlessly.

Working for many years as a healer has shown me that there is no predetermined outcome. Things can go in any number of ways and our outcome depends largely upon whether we are able to find the courage to face our challenges and take advantage of the opportunities being presented to us.

People who spend most of their lives avoiding issues and shutting down feelings tend to lose touch with themselves and their own connection to the divine. Those who lose touch with their true feelings often lack the internal compass needed to give them a sense of purpose and direction. The disconnect becomes even greater among those who have become caught up in the toxic cycle of consumption that plagues our society. There seems to be very little synchronicity in the lives of those who have become disconnected from their own internal source and in many respects they are like leaves blowing in the wind. Many have to look outside of themselves to find a sense of meaning and direction.

The greatest challenges I face in my work is people’s resistance to addressing their issues and experiencing their own true feelings. Many have become so numbed out and disconnected that they don’t even realize how bad of shape they are in. Others may have a sense, but they’re just not willing to do what it takes to address the issues. It saddens me because I cannot get through to a lot of people and I watch many who could heal continue to suffer needlessly.

People are much more likely to follow through on those occasions when I’m able to get through and help them to understand the healing process taking place within their body and mind. People who would normally run when the feelings and issues make their way to the surface are far more likely to follow through if they are encouraged by the friend or health care practitioner who initially referred them to me.

So much of what happens in our lives is a series of random occurrences. We also experience moments of synchronicity. Synchronicities become a common occurrence in our lives as we strengthen our connection to the higher power by tapping into our own internal source.

It’s so easy for us to become caught up in the illusion of our projections. There have been many instances in which I thought I had found my true love. But what I thought was love was either very one sided or it quickly fizzled out. I learned that a relationship is not meant to be if I have to try to make it happen. I often had to go through the grief to see that the connection I had attributed great significance to was only an illusion.

My experience has changed dramatically as I have continued to work with the various intensive spiritual practices. Digesting the backlog of highly charged emotion held within has burned away much of the illusion. Unhealthy attachments tend to dissolve and the projections quickly lose their power. In many instances I find myself outgrowing people.

My sensory range has increased as a result of my daily practice and that has enabled me to feel how the painful feelings held within people’s bodies cause them to become fixated on partners who are unavailable and/or abusive. And I can see ever more clearly how people are blinded by their projections. I’m also able to observe these fixations dissolving as I work with people individually and I can see how that frees them up so they can finally let go and move on in their lives. At other times I can feel the bond between a parent and child or between couples that share a deep and powerful connection.

Every now and then someone comes into my life that has a profound impact upon me. In some instances I have experienced a sense of déjà vu and it feels as if some force were drawing us together. The connection with these individuals has a life of its own. I felt this kind of phenomena taking place at the age of twenty when I first encountered and began to train with my mentor Horace Daukei, the traditional native doctor who took me as an apprentice. I experienced something very similar when I learned about Shifu Li Tai Liang and began to train with him in the Internal Martial Arts of Xin Yi Quan and Baguazhang.

I’ve have experienced very powerful connections with friends and women that I have become romantically involved with. I have also experienced this intensity of connection with people who have come into my life for brief periods of time. I do feel that certain people are drawn into my life for a reason. I always feel that I grow in some way as a result of our interaction.

Learn more about how the individual healing sessions can help you to heal the loss of a love and attract a healthier and more loving relationship by going to or calling Ben at (913) 927-4281

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