Sex for Money: How Much Is My Soul Really Worth?

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sex for money
Young adults have been hit especially hard by the economic downturn. College tuition has more than doubled in the past twenty years and continues to soar even higher despite the fact that jobs are harder to come by and starting salaries have decreased. Increasing numbers of students are struggling to get by and many will have racked up tens of thousands of dollars worth of debt by the time they complete their degrees. In addition, large numbers of these students will be forced to move back home with their parents at some point after graduation out of economic necessity.

In a recent article published in the Huffington Post, the author mentioned the numerous websites that have sprung up in recent years promising to help young women struggling with the enormous financial burden of college to find wealthy benefactors, commonly referred to as “sugar daddies,” to help with the expenses of dorm, tuition and books or pay off student loans.

A young woman interviewed for the article described her experience of hooking up with a man she met through one of these websites saying she had to brace herself to endure the afternoon of having sex. Taylor said she just wanted to get the act over as soon as possible. The man she hooked up with gave her three hundred and fifty dollars at the time he dropped her off at the train station. Her initial thought was, “Not bad for an afternoon of work,” but she agonized over the fact that she just had sex for money and said she felt dirty afterwards. It’s very important for us to pay attention to these kinds of feelings because they are signals letting us know we are doing something harmful to ourselves.

I feel a great deal of concern when I hear about young women like Taylor. Most do not realize the consequences of their actions and are just doing the best they can to survive. It is so easy to stray off on some kind of destructive path and even more so during the stage of our lives where we are making our way out into the world. Sadly, many never find their way back.

I’ve come across many individuals over the years in their late teens and early twenties who were struggling to find their way. In many instances they were not able to afford my services. I would go ahead and work with them anyway, because I felt a sense of responsibility to do whatever I could to reconnect them to their soul or the spirit that resides within and help them develop the resources they needed to get them on track with their own life’s purpose.

I met a young woman years ago while living in Albuquerque, New Mexico who was involved in some form of religious cult. Leyla didn’t seem to possess the resources to make it on her own after she fell out of the cult and ended up auditioning to work as a stripper in one of the clubs. I was saddened to learn about Leyla’s decision to work in a strip club and ended up spending a few hours talking with her over the phone about the consequences of her actions.

“The presence in those strip clubs feels absolutely horrible. Dancing nude in front of a bar full of men with all kinds of serious issues makes you vulnerable by opening you up to a great deal of emotional, energetic and psychic toxicity. Many of these same men are going to be fantasizing about you later that night when they go home and jerk off.”

“Working as a stripper is only a step above prostitution. You’re having to make physical contact with a lot of men that you would never in your life want to interact with. An exchange of energy takes place any time you’re making physical contact with the men you entertain in the clubs. The men whose laps you gyrate on as you do lap dances are going to become sexually aroused and to some degree you will too. That’s going to make you even more likely to absorb the negative energies and emotions held within their bodies. Are you sure you want to be subsisting on a steady diet of that?”

I left Albuquerque soon after that conversation. I received a call from Leyla a few months later. Leyla told me I helped her to see the consequences of her actions and she realized after dancing a few nights in the club that the price wasn’t worth paying.

Exposing our bodies in an environment like a strip club or having sex with someone with whom we have no desire to be with is a very unpleasant experience that evokes all kinds of uncomfortable feelings. Our normal response is to shut down parts of our consciousness by pushing the uncomfortable feelings outside of our conscious awareness. That causes us to become very numb or desensitized. Blocking feelings and experiences out of our awareness doesn’t mean they will go away. Our bodies continue to hold onto the horrible feelings, emotions and energies we internalize from working in such a toxic environment.

Women who engage in prostitution and other forms of sex workers have to shut down parts of themselves in order to do their job and that accounts for their tendency to become very armored. I can always see and feel the parts of the self that have shut down and disconnected. I can also feel the toxic energies and emotions from all the people they’ve had sex with that they are holding within their bodies.

The act of engaging in sex with a complete stranger that we have no desire to be with is an intimate bodily invasion. These feelings are greatly magnified when we find the other person unattractive or disgusting. Many dissociate by switching off or separating from the experience taking place within their bodies and that further exacerbates the harm done. The parts of ourselves that we disconnect from are left holding the trauma and that can prevent us from being fully present or developing the resources we need to be fully functional.

Large numbers of women involved in prostitution exhibit signs and symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder that are similar to people who have experienced rape or incest. They commonly suffer from anxiety, depression, insomnia and irritability. Many also report feelings of being emotionally numb, are tortured by recurrent nightmares and flashbacks and live in a state of emotional and physical hypervigilance. They frequently suffer from physical conditions such as irritable bowel syndrome and are also highly prone to eating disorders.

Women involved in the sex trades often cope by self-medicating with tobacco, alcohol and other substances to numb themselves to the energies and emotions associated with what they’re doing. The use of substances deadens their consciousness so they don’t have to feel what’s happening, but that leaves them even further desensitized and disconnected from their authentic core self.

I’ve known and have worked with a number of prostitutes and strippers over the years. I’m always curious to understand more about them, the choices they’ve made along the way and the struggles they have gone through. A few of the women I have worked with told me that they find their work enjoyable at times and that they even look forward to seeing some of the men who come to them on a regular basis.

Some men and women become highly sexualized as a result of sexual trauma that occurred during the early stages in their lives. In many instances they’ve learned to get attention or validation through their sexuality. A large percentage of women involved in stripping and prostitution were sexually abused as children. Working in the sex trade is a continuation of their early life experience of being sexually exploited.

A friend of mine went into prostitution after her husband left her with three young children because she didn’t see any other way that she could support herself. Most of the women I’ve encountered who are involved in the sex trade are not doing what they do by choice. Many have not been able to complete their education or develop the skill sets and other resources that would enable them to succeed in our society. They’re often doing the best they can to survive.

Most people tend to become very heavy and stagnant as they age. Older men who solicit prostitutes or seek money for sex arrangements with young college girls struggling to get by are usually not in good health. Many drink, smoke and consume unhealthy foods. Most are holding a great deal of anger, resentment, grief, loss and other toxic emotional baggage pertaining to loveless marriages, bitter divorces, custody battles and other dramas that have played out in their lives within their bodies. Women who prostitute themselves to these men are opening themselves up to this toxicity. They take on or absorb the energies and emotions of any person with whom they become physically intimate. They also take on some of their karma, sickness and the toxic dramas in their lives. Much of this toxicity remains trapped within the body indefinitely.

Dangerous Game

Stripping or prostituting one’s self may appear for some to be a quick and easy way to make money, but it is also a very dangerous game to be playing. Making large amounts of money so quickly can be very tempting, but we need to ask ourselves, “Exactly how much is my soul really worth?”

I have known women who had the ability to go into sex work for a period of time, do what they felt they needed to do and then get out. Many have gone into prostitution with the intention of saving the money they needed to create a better life, but were never able to hold onto what they made. The danger for many is they grow so accustomed to the kind of lifestyle afforded by prostitution and often find themselves sinking ever deeper into a hole they cannot escape from.

Women who prostitute themselves are forced to rely upon their physical beauty to make it in the world, but it’s only a matter of time before age and gravity take their toll and the looks fall apart. The process of shutting down or disconnecting that takes place among women involved in the sex trade has a crippling effect. Those who fail to develop skills and resources to stand on their own operate at a deficit which leaves them little, if anything, to fall back on.

I stopped over in Thailand on numerous occasions while waiting for my connecting flights to India and Sri Lanka. I realized very quickly that Thailand was one of the world’s primary sex tourism destinations. Large numbers of Thai and other Southeast Asian women are involved in prostitution to varying degrees. Women and girls who have been sold into sexual slavery are often forced to work in houses of prostitution. It is also fairly common for young attractive Thai women to hang out in bars looking for wealthy, by their standards, foreigner boyfriends who travel to Thailand on vacation. As soon as one boyfriend leaves they go out to the bars and find a new guy. These women often call or write letters to their “boyfriends” after they return home to ask for more money.

Women in developing nations such as India, Pakistan and the various African republics are often forced into prostitution after being widowed or abandoned by a husband because of their inability to conceive. Thousands of young women and girls in Nepal have been drugged, kidnapped and sold into prostitution across the border in India. Many are eventually murdered and a large percentage of these girls and young women contract HIV and eventually die. In many instances their families never see or hear from them again. India’s law enforcement and government is largely complicit by failing to shut down the houses of prostitution and prosecute the perpetrators of these horrific crimes.

Men who have struggled financially at some point in their lives know what it’s like to be passed over by women who evaluate a man’s worth based upon his financial status. There will always be women who look for men who can buy expensive dinners, clothing and jewelry, take them on the vacation of their dreams and pay off their debt. Such women never learn to stand firmly on their own two feet. Another young woman interviewed in the Huffington Post article said, “I’m choosing one or two men I actually like spending time with and have decided to develop a friendship with them. While sex is involved, the focus of our interaction is on providing friendship. It’s not only about getting paid.”

It is so easy to come up with all kinds of rationalizations to justify our actions. But we need to be fully honest by asking ourselves, “Is this someone with whom I truly desire to be intimate?”

There is so much shame and stigma attached to prostitution. Women who become engage in prostitution are often forced to lead double lives. Most cannot tell their friends or families what they are doing and that leaves them with a feeling that they always have something to hide. Having to hide parts of one’s self makes it very difficult to be fully present.

Opening ourselves sexually to another individual is an experience that reaches very deep into our psyche. Sexuality is a very important part of our process of personal and spiritual growth. Selling our bodies to someone we don’t want to be intimate with corrupts or contaminates the very deep and personal parts of ourselves through which we develop intimate bonds.

It can be very difficult for a woman to break out of prostitution and go to a regular job that only pays a fraction of the huge sums of money she is used to making as a sex worker. Many never develop the resources they need to make it in the world. That accounts for the fact that so many of them end up on welfare or disability and find themselves living in public housing or out in the streets.

Women who engage in prostitution are placing themselves at great risk. In many instances they are forced to engage in unprotected sex. Many have experienced unwanted pregnancies and miscarriages. They are far more likely to contract sexually transmitted diseases such as chlamydia, gonorrhea, herpes, syphilis, the human papilloma virus and HIV/AIDS. They often test positive on pap smears and have a much higher incidence of pelvic inflammatory disease. Greater exposure to sexually transmitted diseases also increases their likelihood of developing cervical cancer.

Women involved in prostitution experience extremely high levels of violence and often find themselves in grave danger. Many report being robbed, beaten or sexually assaulted and some have also been killed.

Some of the wealthy “sugar daddies” seeking money for sex arrangements with young women saddled with enormous amounts of debt like to see themselves as providing a service that will ultimately help them to create a better life for themselves. In reality, these men are inflicting tremendous harm by exploiting the vulnerabilities of young women who are struggling to survive.

Young women are more likely to fall into stripping or prostitution during times of economic hardship when they see no other means of covering their expenses. These young women would be much less likely to find themselves in a position where they feel that they have to sell their bodies in order to pay off their education debt if our government would stop feeding vast amounts of money into senseless wars that can never be won and corporate subsidies and the wealthy were made to pay their fair share of the taxes.

Having compassion for ourselves and others

I feel a great deal of concern for and compassion for people and the struggles they go through in order to survive. It’s important to keep in mind that we have all done things in our lives that we are not especially proud of. We all prostitute ourselves or compromise our integrity in one way or another at various points in our life. It’s important for us to come to come from a place of acceptance and compassion for ourselves. We also need to demonstrate understanding and compassion for others by reaching out to help others along the way whenever we can make a difference.

©Copyright 2011 Ben Oofana. All Rights Reserved. This content may be copied in full, with copyright, contact, creation and information intact, without specific permission.


Whining Only Brings You More of What You Don’t Want

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The hardships and misfortunes we encounter along the way can sometimes cause us to feel powerless to effect change in our lives. We sometimes feel compelled to talk about our problems because we want to be understood and know that someone is there for us. Sharing our feelings can in some instances help to alleviate our suffering. The problem here is that many of us don’t know when to stop. Some of us have a tendency to go on and on, but that never brings us to a place of resolution. If anything, it makes us feel more anxious.

Myra said at one point that it felt so natural for her to whine. I told her that It feels natural because it’s something she’s grown accustomed to as a result of having done so for most of her life. You’ve learned to cope over the years by resisting the painful feelings associated with what’s not working in your life. It can feel scary and overwhelming as these feelings make their way to the surface, but you will realize they’re not as bad as they seem once you allow yourself to fully experience them. You will get to a calmer and more resourceful space much sooner when you allow yourself to fully experience those feelings.

Myra then wanted to know how we fall into a pattern of whining. I explained to her that some of us grew up with parents or other family members who were habitual whiners. We have a tendency to internalize the energies, emotions and traits of our parents.

We may have suffered tremendously as a result of difficult life circumstances. Whining is often an attempt to cope with or alleviate our suffering and yet it is one of the worst things we can possibly do, because it adds to our misery by contributing to a growing sense of powerlessness. And that causes us feel helpless to change the realities of our daily lives. We whine so much about the people or circumstances affecting us and then it gradually becomes a habit.

We can easily fall into habitual patterns of whining if we’re not taking constructive steps to facilitate our healing. Whining generates lots of heavy toxic energies and emotions that get trapped within our bodies. Our true essence sometimes gets buried underneath the many layers of toxic thought and feeling. The toxicity can become so pervasive in some instances that it completely takes over us.

Caught up in the drama

We typically suspend disbelief any time we go to a movie in order to allow ourselves to become captivated by the story unfolding upon the screen. In a similar way we allow ourselves to become captivated by the stories unfolding upon the screen of our mind. The problem with getting caught up in the negative scenarios playing out in our minds is that they are often generated by parts of us that are very wounded. Buying into to these distorted representations of reality can easily send us into a downward spiral. It’s important for us to understand that the parts of our mind generating these negative scenarios are only a small portion of the self and not the totality of who we are.

Resisting our mind’s internal dialog

Many of us try to resist the negative internal dialog by either ignoring it or trying to make it go away. Whatever we resist will persist. The thoughts and images we spend so much time resisting and the subsequent feelings that arise in response to them will grow in magnitude.

We cannot completely silence the parts of our mind that like to chatter, but we do have some measure of control over how much attention we pay to them. We need to acknowledge the negative dialog while primarily keeping our attention focused on the underlying feelings behind those thoughts.

Disconnecting from our feelings and physical bodies

Thinking obsessively is a defense that prevents us from fully experiencing our true feelings. We go up into our heads and by doing so we disconnect from our feelings and physical bodies. Our internal dialog elicits more stressful feelings and that feeds the negative thought patterns. We then find ourselves caught up in a self-perpetuating negative feedback loop.

We cannot possibly process our feelings when we’re spinning around in circles in our heads. We may experience the surface most levels of our anger and frustration, and yet we’re disconnected from the deeper pain underneath that drives our negative internal dialog.

The feelings that we fail to process accumulate within our bodies and that builds the negative emotional charge around the issues that have created so much suffering in our lives. Reinforcing the patterns in this way only causes them to become more deeply entrenched. This negativity causes our body – mind to become very dense. Our presence will begin to feel heavy and toxic.

Pain and stress that accumulates within our bodies has a very desensitizing effect. People who tend to whine a lot don’t realize how they’re hurting themselves and others. They’re not just wasting people’s time. They’re literally sucking the life force out of their bodies.

How do we break the habit of whining?

We all suffer as a result of the hurts, disappointments and losses we experience over the course of our lives. Sometimes we need to open up and share what we’re feeling. The problem is that those of us who don’t know when to stop can easily fall into the trap of whining. It can take tremendous discipline to break ourselves out of the habit. We need to start by making an effort to become mindful by paying attention to our thought processes while we’re in the midst of whatever it is that we’re doing.

Negative thought patterns are driven by feelings held within the body. Deeply ingrained stories and patterns can be had to break. Some of us have to be very disciplined by making a consistent effort to refocus our attention on the feelings behind our mind’s internal dialog any time the negative thought patterns emerge. We need to take a step back from the drama whenever we catch ourselves whining by asking ourselves “What are the feelings driving these thoughts?” Is it anger, disappointment, fear, frustration or sadness?

We have to diminish the emotional intensity for the negative thought patterns to lose their power. The negative internal dialog loses its power as we process the charged emotions that drive our obsessive thinking. We need to teach ourselves to go straight into the underlying feelings whenever we catch ourselves whining.

Breathing softly and deeply while immersing our awareness within our feelings and bodily sensations gets us down into our bodies. It also awakens the innate healing intelligence residing within our body – mind. This healing intelligence makes it possible for us to diffuse and then digest the feelings of fear, anger, frustration, panic, desperation and other charged emotions generating the negative dialog so that we can come to terms with what is.

The digestive process I’m describing may take a while. There may be instances when we have to continue to breathe into the feelings for hours. And we will have to resume the practice at other times when as the same feeling resurface. The feelings will gradually lighten up as we continue to breathe into them. And the more we do so, the faster we will be able to work through the issues concerning us.

Running in Circles or Digesting

Myra then asked me “How can I tell whether I’m just running circles in my head or actually digesting the feeling. I then told Myra that we have a tendency to go over the same thoughts repeatedly when we’re stuck in our heads.

We will develop greater sensitivity as we make a consistent practice of going beyond the obsessive mental chatter by breathing softly and deeply while centering our awareness in the middle of our feelings and bodily sensations. That will make it possible for us to actually feel the distress that we’re generating within our bodies when we whine.

We may even say to ourselves “Okay, I’m going to feel absolutely horrible if I buy into that cognitive frame because it’s only going to generate lots of painful feelings. And those feelings will elicit more negative thoughts which in turn will generate more painful feelings.

The digestive process that takes place as we breathe into our feelings and bodily sensations feels completely different. Breathing with our awareness centered in our feelings and bodily sensations takes us to the underlying source of our distress. Our minds begins to quiet down so that we can say what needs to be said with fewer words.

The innate healing intelligence residing within facilitates a digestive process. Feelings that surface will initially intensify and then gradually soften and become more diffuse and go through a variety of other permutations. Conflicting thoughts and feelings sort themselves out more readily making it easier for us to bring issues to a place of resolution. The resulting assimilative process facilitates new learning and growth.

Coming to terms with what is

Whining and complaining are forms of resistance. We don’t want to accept who we are, where we are or the realities of our lives. We’re resisting the pain associated with our limitations. We resist the feelings of fear, hurt, anger, grief and loss that arise when our lives don’t seem to be working or when we don’t have the relationship we want.

True healing can only take place when we come to terms with what is. Teaching ourselves to become present by allowing ourselves to fully experience the feelings that arise in response to what’s taking place in our lives helps us to develop greater equanimity.

Some of the difficulties we’re faced with are going to evoke feelings, of sadness, frustration and disappointment. Breathing into these feelings will enable us to come to a place of greater acceptance for what is. With continued practice we will learn to do what is feasible and then we’ll also know when it’s time to let go. And no matter what happens in our outer world, we will experience a growing sense of connectedness to a greater source within.

Coming to terms with what is doesn’t mean that we’re going to just give up and roll over. It’s still important for us to be proactive by continually striving to create what it is that we want in our lives. Our resolve to do what needs to be done will grow stronger. We may not necessarily like the realities that we’re forced to contend with, but we will become more accepting in ways that will enables us to work constructively within the context that we find ourselves.

Transforming the whining habit

1. Make a concerted effort to be mindful of your thoughts and feelings as you go about your day.
2. Ask yourself “What are the feelings behind all that drama?” whenever you catch yourself whining or caught up in some drama.
3. Notice where these feelings are situated in your body.
4. Breathe softly and deeply while centering your awareness in the middle of these feelings and bodily sensations. Continue to follow the feelings and sensations as they go through their progression.
5. Ask your subconscious questions like “How can I (fill in the blank with whatever it is that you want to do or accomplish)? What steps can I be taking to make this happen? Completely let go of any attachment to getting an answer after asking the question. Your subconscious will give you little insights and flashes of inspirations along the way.
6. Be proactive by taking constructive steps on a daily basis to create whatever it is that you truly desire in life.

It can sometimes be very difficult to break out of longstanding negative patterns on our own. I have received sessions from a number of powerful healers along the way and have gone on many vision quests, a traditional Native American healing practice that involves going out to fast alone in the mountains for four days and nights without food or water. I can always feel a powerful presence working to heal the emotional wounds and free me of limiting patterns.

The presence working through me during the individual healing sessions will enable you to digest the backlog of negatively charged emotion held within the body and heal the deep emotional wounds. Habitual negative patterns will dissolve. New resources and capabilities will emerge. Your responses to the challenges of everyday life will become healthier and more adaptive.

©Copyright 2013 Ben Oofana. All Rights Reserved. This content may be copied in full, with copyright, creation and contact information intact, without specific permission.

Ben Oofana is a healer who began his training with Horace Daukei, one of the last surviving traditional doctors among the Kiowa Indian tribe. To learn more go to Call (913) 927-4281 to learn more or to schedule an individual session.

Healing Cancer

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The father of a friend was passing blood in his urine and experiencing a great deal of pain resulting from the malignant tumors growing in his bladder. He was not at all familiar with the traditional forms of healing practiced by the Native Americans, but his son and daughter were telling him “Dad …Just try it.”

My friend’s father was up and out of bed and pain free after the healing session. My friend told me that her father had gone out to shoot pool with his son and was making little trips through Kansas and Missouri to see friends and family members. I had only one opportunity to work with my friend’s father. He wasn’t willing to deal with the issues and emotions that were surfacing afterwards, but that one session put him into remission for six months.

Crossing over

Healing does not always mean that the person will recover physically. There are instances where I’m working with someone and get a very strong feeling that it’s just their time to go. It’s important for me to remain open and to do whatever I can to facilitate whatever process needs to occur.

I received a phone call some years ago from a woman whose mother was dying of pancreatic cancer. Damita told me that her mother was experiencing excruciating pain and asked if I could help. I told her that I would do whatever I could.

Damita took me into the room where her mother was lying in bed and I could see that Isabella was about to die. The doctors had Isabella on a very high dose of morphine to ease the pain and that left her fairly incoherent.

Isabella’s body was very weak and all of her defense mechanisms were down. That made her very responsive to the healing process that was taking place. I could feel that Isabella was processing many years of old emotions and life experiences. I knew that she could go at any moment, so I asked her telepathically to wait until after I left.

Isabella looked much better after the session. She was able to speak coherently with me, Damita and her son-in-law and went to sleep soon afterwards. I stayed a while longer to talk with Damita and then I went on home.

Damita called me a few days later to say that her mother had passed away later the next evening. She said Isabella had slept soundly through the night and felt good when she woke up the next morning. Damita went on to say that she could see that her mother was at peace and that she spent much of the day sitting up in bed watching the birds. Damita also told me that her mother was able to stand up on her own and took a bath with some help.

Isabella began to experience shortness of breath later that evening. Damita said she could tell that her mother’s spirit was beginning to withdraw from her body starting from the lower extremities and then moving upwards. Isabella then gracefully left her body. Damita thanked me for helping to ease her mother’s transition.

Working with the terminally ill can be very difficult at times. The person I’m working with and the family can be very fearful and upset. The person who is dying is often doing everything they can to hold on. The experience can be very traumatic and cause tremendous hardship for the family. I often end up working to help the whole family move through the transition.

Some people refuse to accept the fact that they’re dying and will deny it right up till the very end. Sometimes their unwillingness to accept death and determination to fight is what enables them hold on. I do whatever I can to support the individual and to allow them to be where they’re at in their process.

Bone marrow cancer

Sarah had been given only two years to live at the time she was diagnosed with bone marrow cancer. I began to work with her shortly afterwards. Painful memories of being sexually abused by her father began to emerge during the sessions. She gradually worked through the painful feelings and memories and came to a place of acceptance.

Sarah developed a form of lymphoma after ten years. I saw her soon after she was diagnosed and it was obvious that her grasp on life was very tenuous. It appeared that we were just about to lose her, but Sarah rebounded after a few sessions.

Sarah began to retain fluid in her abdominal cavity. She had to wear maternity pants because her stomach had become so distended. I was only able to make it back to Kansas City twice a year at that time. Sarah’s stomach would flatten out after the first two sessions and then she would go back to wearing her regular pants. Her stomach would be distended again by the time I returned to Oklahoma City six months later, but it would flatten out after a few sessions. The healing sessions helped to keep Sarah alive for another two years. I feel that she may still be alive today if we had the opportunity to work on a regular basis

Sarah’s son took me out to lunch after his mother’s passing. He thanked me saying that both he and his sister realized that they would not have had their mother for this long had it not been for the healing sessions.

Causes and solutions

Cancer is a complex group of diseases with many possible causes. Approximately five to ten percent of all cancers are hereditary. That means that changes or mutations in specific genes are passed down from one blood relative to another. Individuals who inherit one of these gene changes have a higher likelihood of developing cancer within their life time.

Some forms of cancer are thought to be linked to infections. Artificial sweeteners, the preservatives and nitrates found in baloney and salami and ingredients found many other processed foods have also been linked to the development of cancer. Consumer products such as cosmetics and hair dyes also contain ingredients that are carcinogenic. Commonly found cancer causing substances in and around the home include radon, lead and arsenic. Many have been exposed to potentially harmful substances in the workplace such as asbestos, benzene and formaldehyde. The use of cell phones has been linked to the development of cancerous tumors in the brain and other parts of the body that come into frequent contact with these mobile devices.

Normal cells in the body follow an orderly path of growth, division, and death. This programed cell death is called apoptosis. Cancer begins to form when this process breaks down. Cells grow uncontrollably and do not die when this happens. Cancer cells continue to grow and divide and that leads to a mass of abnormal cells that continue to grow out of control.

The human body is made up of over fifty trillion cells that are continuously dividing to keep us healthy. Every person has microscopic cancers growing inside them. Cells that mutate have the potential to become cancerous. The good news is that most of these abnormal cells will never become a threat to our wellbeing because our bodies natural immune system is an excellent defense that guards against cancer. Another defense is our body’s ability to resist blood vessels from growing into and feeding cancers.

Cancerous cells that would otherwise be harmless develop into full blown cancer when they are provoked. Getting too much sun and exposure to cigarette smoke or toxic chemicals found in the home, workplace or environment can provoke the development of cancerous cells.

Taking time to exercise, getting adequate sleep and eating high nutrient foods containing antioxidant and anti-cancer properties such as raw fruits and vegetables can boost our body’s cancer defense systems. Some of the hard cheeses such as Gouda, Edam, Jarlsberg and Emmentaler contain a special type of Vitamin K2 which is a byproduct of the bacteria resulting from the fermentation of the cheese. Vitamin K2 starves cancer cells by inhibiting angiogenesis, which is the process by which blood vessels grow into and feed cancer cells. The natural enzymes contained in raw fruits and vegetables kill cancer cells. Supplements such as pomegranate and broccoli extracts also contain powerful anti-cancer agents.

I’ve had varied success working with cancer. I have on occasion helped people make their transition. The healing sessions help to make the transition more graceful by helping to ease their fears and alleviate any physical pain they may be experiencing. The sessions help people to clear up unfinished business and put their affairs in order. The healing taking place facilitates a reflective process that enables them to make peace with themselves, friends and family and to come to terms with the life they have lived.

Side effects of chemotherapy and radiation

Chemotherapy aims to destroy cancer cells that grow and multiply rapidly. Chemo therapy also affects normal cells resulting in side effects. The side effects of chemotherapy vary with each individual. The nature and severity of the side effects also vary according to the type of chemotherapy received and the duration of the treatment.
One of the most common side effects of chemotherapy is fatigue. Rest does not necessarily relieve this fatigue that can last for days, weeks or even months. Patients who undergo chemotherapy often experience nausea and vomiting. Chemotherapy can sometimes damage the nerves and produce burning sensations, tingling or shooting pain. Pain resulting from chemotherapy is often experienced in the toes and fingers. Another common side effect of chemotherapy is hair loss. Chemotherapy can in some instances cause permanent changes or damage to certain organs.

Radiation therapy used to destroy cancer cells is also very hard on the body. Radiation produces heat not only in the location where radiation is administered, but throughout the body.

The healing sessions help to alleviate the harmful side effects of chemotherapy and radiation. The presence working through me during the individual healing sessions mitigate the damage of radiation and chemotherapy by restoring one’s life force and repairing damage within the physical and subtle bodies. A number of the people I’ve worked with have also told me that they have also regained the cognitive abilities and memory that had been adversely affected by chemotherapy.

I’m working with people with a wide range of health related issues. People have often discontinued with the healing sessions once their symptoms abated assuming that the work was complete. The advantage of doing ongoing sessions is that it continues to build up the immune system and is therefore more likely to prevent the cancer from returning.

I’m very cautious about making promises. In many instances I can see the presence working through me during the individual healing sessions working to boost the immune system and stop the growth of cancer cells. The healing sessions have kept some people with aggressive cancers alive for as long as they continued to work with me. The sessions have held the cancer at bay or put people into remission for extended periods of time. And some have told me that their tumors have completely dissolved.

©Copyright 2013 Ben Oofana. All Rights Reserved. This content may be copied in full, with copyright, creation and contact information intact, without specific permission.

Ben Oofana is a healer who began his training with Horace Daukei, one of the last surviving traditional doctors among the Kiowa Indian tribe. Call (913) 927-4281 to learn more or to schedule an individual session.

Finding the Source of Nourishment Within

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Pasha began to open up to me one day about the profound sense of emptiness she feels on the inside “…I often feel scared and restless, feeling as though I have to reach outside of myself for something in order to survive. I can’t explain what is it that I’m looking for, but I’m constantly searching and that creates a lot of stress and distraction in my life. I’m trying to find these moments of joy and happiness that prove to be elusive. I manage to grab onto them at times, but they never truly satisfy me. I always find myself wanting more, but more is either not available or never enough.”

I responded by saying “I wasn’t very conscious of my body until the trauma of my childhood and adolescence began to make its way to the surface during my mid to late twenties. Lots of things didn’t seem to be working in my life at that time. I was struggling to survive financially and my relationships were reflecting the traumas of my early life. And that was evoking lots of painful feelings.

Most people find a way to numb themselves or disconnect from the painful feelings. Escape routes never seemed to work for me. I found myself consumed by debilitating pain that was so intense and feared that I could go over the edge. I had an intuitive sense that I needed to breathe into the painful feelings.

I taught myself to go down into the middle of the feelings that arose during those times when my life didn’t seem to be working. I just kept breathing into the feelings and I continued to follow them as they went through their progression. The initial stages of the process were sometimes very difficult, but the discomfort would either break apart and come out of my body in waves, dissolve or dissipate. The process could take minutes, hours and sometimes even days, but I would keep breathing until I eventually came out the other side. I began to realize that no matter how intense or extreme the feelings became, that I would still be okay.

Pain became a doorway during those times in my life when nothing seemed to be working. The pain was excruciating, but at a certain point I could feel something breaking open. I would then feel these emanations flowing from within in the form of a warmth, vibration or tingling sensations. These emanations had a very nourishing and sustaining quality. I began to feel connected to something greater than myself as this presence grew stronger filling my entire body. At times I felt as though I had tapped into an eternal presence.

My sense of connectedness grew as I continued to work with this practice. Over time I began to feel this presence with me at all times. This presence became noticeably stronger when I began to work with this practice consistently.”

Does it really matter what we achieve?

Pasha then asked me if it really mattered what we achieved in this life.

“It’s important for us to find a balance. We’re living here in physical bodies on this planet and we all strive to meet basic needs for comfort and security. We need to be engaged with the world around us and to have some sense of purpose or direction. The things that we achieve in this world that are connected to the expression of our authentic selves facilitate growth and personal development.

We want to enjoy a certain quality of life and to some extent we are dependent upon others to meet our needs. And yet other people and our circumstances do not always work to our advantage. Even when they do, there are limits to the enjoyment or satisfaction we can derive through others.

Most of us are not with the love of our life. Our relationships are often not working the way we want them to. We may struggle financially. And we may encounter all kinds of hardships and difficulties along the way. Everyone and everything in this material world is transitory. Our bodies break down, we age and eventually die. Every one we ever know or love will leave or die. Everything that we build will eventually come down. Nothing will last forever. The only thing we have that continues is our own connection to the source.

We experience feelings of hurt, grief, loss, fear, anger and disappointment in response to the setbacks and losses we incur. Learning to “digest” our feelings enables us to maintain a healthy form of detachment. That will enable us to derive grater enjoyment from what we experience along the way.

We can learn to make a practice of taking whatever happens in our lives and using it as fuel for growth. Breathing into the feelings that surface when things do not seem to be going our way makes it easier for us to let go of what’s now working. We will become more receptive to new opportunities that come along. We will experience more peace within and find ourselves moved by a greater presence.”

Pasha was saying “I sometimes find it difficult to be fully engaged. I see other people working to their full capacity who are totally engaged in life. But with all that pain coming out I don’t feeling like doing much of anything.”

“The pain and stress held within often cause us to shut down or contract in ways that make it difficult for us to function. I didn’t feel like doing much of anything during the more difficult stages of the healing process. The sense of heaviness gradually became lighter as we continued to take the steps necessary to facilitate healing. The source of nourishment flowing from within creates the momentum that gives us a clearer sense of purpose and direction and compels us to be fully engaged.”

Pasha then said “I’m experiencing a lot of painful sensations in the low back and pressure in my head. Will this healing presence began to awaken and will I derive some sense of nourishment if I keep breathing into the feelings and sensations in these parts of my body? How would breathing into the painful sensations connect me with this source of nourishment?”

“Unprocessed feelings and other stresses held within can situate themselves in various parts of our bodies. The pain and stress that we hold within has a very numbing or deadening effect. Whole portions of our body-mind consciousness shut down and we lose touch with the innate healing power that resides within.

It’s important for us to let down our resistance by fully opening up to any pain or discomfort. We need to center our awareness in the middle of the pain and other forms of discomfort lodged in various parts of our bodies. Breathing softly and deeply with our attention fully immersed in the feelings and sensations activates the innate healing intelligence residing within. This healing intelligence helps us to dissolve and then digest the pain and stress held within various parts of our bodies.

Breathing into our feelings and bodily sensations awakens that innate healing intelligence that resides within. It also opens doorways that and that makes it possible for us to connect with a presence greater than ourselves. This presence will nourish and sustain us. We can greatly accelerate this process by working with a powerful healer.”

Pasha then asked me “What about people who are not going through a lot of pain? How can they connect to this presence within?”

I responded by saying “We all encounter adversity somewhere along the way. We may experience emptiness or boredom. We worry about our health, our financial security and the people who matter to us. We experience grief when the people we love and care about are no longer a part of our lives. We struggle to know what direction to go and feel unfulfilled in different aspects of our lives.

Breathing into the feelings and sensations that arise awakens the greater healing intelligence residing within. This will enable us to digest the stresses, connect to the authentic core residing within and tap into a greater presence.”

©Copyright 2013 Ben Oofana. All Rights Reserved. This content may be copied in full, with copyright, creation and contact information intact, without specific permission.

Ben Oofana is a healer who began his training with Horace Daukei, one of the last surviving traditional doctors among the Kiowa Indian tribe. The practices he teaches and individual healing sessions will enable you to heal and find the source of nourishment within. Call (913) 927-4281 to learn more or to schedule an individual session.

Replenishing the Depleted Body and Mind

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Harlan, like so many of us nowadays, is working way too many hours. He’s built a successful business over the past ten years. He’s made lots of sacrifices and has accomplished a great deal, but his body and mind are definitely paying the price. His days consist primarily of working at the computer and spending time on the phone with customers. That becomes very depleting, literally sucking the life force out of his body. Harlan also has a tendency to live in his head and that leaves him very disconnected from his feelings and physical body. I could definitely sense the depletion as I looked into his body. Harlan’s kidneys had become so depleted that it was interfering with the quality of his sleep. He has to rely on sleeping pills to knock himself out at the end of the day.

I began the session by having Harlan breathe into the sense fatigue that he described throughout his body. After some time Harlan told me that he was experiencing bloating in his abdomen and inflammation in his joints. Unprocessed emotions and other stresses that had accumulated and the resulting impairment of his digestion were causing the bloating.

The bloating and inflammation began to subside as Harlan continued to breathe into the physical sensations within his body. He began feel the life force flowing through his body as that happened.

Harlan works very hard and yet he’s not doing much of anything to counteract the stress. He told me that he was doing much better a few months prior when was practicing Tai Chi consistently, but had since gone downhill. Harlan needs to be doing practice every day. I can always see the wear and tear that occurs within his body where there are long gaps between sessions. Harlan has tremendous difficulty sticking with healthy food choices and the daily discipline that would enable him to maintain his health. His inability to stick with the foods and practices that nourish his body and mind has a lot to do with his tendency to disconnect from his feelings. Unprocessed emotions and other stresses that accumulate within his body create internal resistance and inertia. That’s why Harlan often feels burned out and is often lacking in enthusiasm.

I have worked with a number of people like Harlan that push themselves to the point of exhaustion. Many will let months go by between sessions because of their unwillingness to make any kind of serious investment of time and energy in their health. And that’s why so many people get into serious trouble with their health. I feel concerned by the inertia or deadening that I see, especially when I can tell that it’s causing their bodies to break down. I do the best I can to recognize people’s limitations and to reach them where they’re at.

The deadening that was taking place in Harlan’s abdominal region was notable. But I could feel the presence working through me during healing session dissolving the armor by softening the abdominal organs. The internal organs become more alive and responsive whenever I work with Harlan and that brings him back to life.

The sessions revive Harlan and get his body back on track. He sleeps better afterwards, his digestion improves and his enthusiasm for life is renewed. He has said on many occasions that he feels revived as though he had slept for a long time or taken a much needed vacation. Harlan just needs to slow down enough to be present with his feelings and physical body. He needs to breathe into the feelings and sensations that he experiences within his body on a daily basis and show up for the healing sessions at least once a month.

The abdominal region is a critically important part of the foundation that enables us to be firmly rooted in our bodies. Many of us are overwhelmed by the demands of our daily lives. We may experience abdominal bloating as the physical and emotional toxins accumulate within our digestive tract. Unprocessed feelings, the stresses of daily life and physical toxins have a deadening effect upon this part of our body and our overall body-mind consciousness. The deadening of the consciousness in our midsection cuts us off from a critical source of nourishment that is needed to replenish our bodies and minds. People often get into serious trouble as that happens.

The abdominal region affects all the organs and systems of the body. The enteric nervous system, which is embedded in the lining of the gastrointestinal system, contains a hundred million neurons that produce the same neurotransmitters found within the brain. Sixty to Seventy percent our immune system is located in the gut as a vast network of lymph tissue referred to as GALT (gut associated lymphatic tissue). We need to keep this region of our body and all the organs contained therein soft, fluid and alive.

Harlan said something about finding someone to learn Chi Gong from. Chi Gong is a very powerful and effective practice for developing one’s body and mind and I do a lot of it on a daily basis. But Chi Gong practice isn’t anywhere near as effective for helping us to digest the toxic emotional residue and other stresses that get trapped within our bodies. Breathing into the feelings and sensations enables us to get deep down inside the cells and organs to digest the emotional residue and other stresses held within in a way that Chi Gong practice won’t.

Chi Gong and the practice I teach of having people breathe into the feelings and sensations present within their bodies are two very different approaches to healing and developing one’s body and mind. I encourage people to do both forms of practice. The practice of breathing into our feelings and sensations is one of the most powerful means we have available of reconnecting with our bodies. We need to make this form of meditation a part of our daily practice.

Many of us are working and commuting excessively long hours, spending way too much time on the internet and not getting enough rest. Our bodies and minds can easily become overwhelmed by the stress. The energies of fatigue or exhaustion, unprocessed emotions and the stresses of everyday life can easily get trapped in our bodies unless we make a conscientious effort to digest them. We need to make time to be fully present with our bodies by breathing into our tiredness, fatigue and exhaustion that we experience throughout our bodies.

Much of that stress accumulates within the abdomen. We also need to be breathing while focusing our attention on any fullness, deadening or congestion held in our abdomen. Breathing into our feelings and bodily sensations awakens the innate healing intelligence residing within our bodies and minds. Consistent practice will help to bring our depleted body back to life. It will also increase our life force.

Native Americans didn’t have access to the modern medical interventions that many depend upon today. They relied upon the forces of nature to effect healing within the body and mind that would not have otherwise been possible. I spent a number of years training with Horace Daukei, the last surviving traditional doctor among the Kiowa Indian tribe and have since continued with the vision quest.

The individual healing sessions have profound regenerative effects upon the body and mind. The presence working through me repairs damage within the physical and subtle bodies. Stagnant emotions and other stresses held within the body are digested. Depleted bodies literally come back to life.

©Copyright 2013 Ben Oofana. All Rights Reserved. This content may be copied in full, with copyright, creation and contact information intact, without specific permission.

Ben Oofana is a healer who began his training with Horace Daukei, one of the last surviving traditional doctors among the Kiowa Indian tribe. The practices he teaches and individual healing sessions replenish and heal depleted bodies and minds bringing them back to life. Call (913) 927-4281 to learn more or to schedule an individual session.

Healthy and Loving Relationships Begins With You

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People often show up in my classes while in the midst of a painful breakup or divorce or shortly thereafter. Some are struggling with patterns of abandonment and rejection, trapped in dysfunctional relationships that they can’t seem to find their way out of and in some instances strung out on partners that hurt and abuse them. Others have never been able to fully let go of a former partner when the relationship didn’t work out and move on in their life. Most of are hurting and in many instances they’re also carrying deep emotional wounds that go all the way back to childhood.

Yvette described feelings of separation, sadness, hurt, emptiness and anger directed at herself after going through a recent break up. Karen talked about her feelings of heaviness and fears of abandonment. She told us about how she had been abandoned by her mother as a child saying she feels that it has caused her to attract people into her life that are not willing to make a commitment. Henry is full of anxiety and regret. He wonders what he could have done differently and now says that he’s no longer willing to make the emotional investment required to be in a relationship. Yvette, Karen and Henry only showed up to class one time.

It really saddens me when I see these people show up a time or two and then disappear because I see how deeply wounded they are. Many have disconnected from their feelings and physical bodies to such an extent that they have little, if any, sense of how to work constructively with their own feelings. Most will never fully heal the emotional wounds because they lack the resources and understanding that would enable them to do so. What usually happens is that they continue to carry the hurts, losses and disappointments in their bodies. People who do not heal the deep emotional wounds will invariably continue to attract similar partners and reenact the same dramas or patterns of dysfunction that are causing them so much pain.

What’s preventing people from taking the steps necessary to facilitate healing?

There are so many things about our modern fast paced way of life that are taking us further and further away from ourselves. We have become so much busier now and are more distracted than ever before. Our attention span has shortened and that’s making it harder for us to focus our attention for any significant length of time. Our inability to maintain focus prevents us from doing the work that is necessary to facilitate healing and growth. Many of these changes have come about as a result of our spending way too much time on our computers and smartphones.

Searching for an intellectual solution

Our society places so much emphasis on intellectual development. We’re taught that there’s an intellectual solution for every problem. Many of us are expecting to find the answers to all of our problems in a book, lecture or through psychotherapy. Our intellectual mind comprises a very small portion of our total awareness. Intellectual understanding is an important aspect of healing, but intellect alone can never heal the pain of a breakup or help us to “digest” the highly charged emotions held within the body that cause us to attract the wrong kinds of partners or that keep us locked into patterns of abandonment and unrequited love.

The majority of class time is spent leading those in attendance through various practices that help them to become grounded in their feelings and physical bodies and facilitate healing of the deep emotional wounds. In some instances I will have an individual close their eyes and visualize a current or former partner directly in front of them and then inquire as to how they’re feeling. I will then have them begin to breathe softly and deeply while fully immersing their attention in the middle of any feelings or sensations that arise. At other times I’ll have a person go directly into the feelings of grief and loss. I teach other practices that enable people to open their heart in a way that increases their capacity to love and be loved.

Honesty (or lack thereof)

I’m teaching people how to go right to the underlying source of the issues to effect the change needed to facilitate healing. People who show up in my classes and those who work with me individually often acknowledge that I’m right on target. The problem here is that many are either unwilling or unable to sustain this level of presence. In many instances one’s resistance to being present stems from an unwillingness to be fully honest with themselves by going to those places where they are vulnerable, facing the issues and feeling unconditionally. But failure to show up fully present by addressing the relevant issues and experiencing our true feelings is akin to going through life blind.


Many are hugely resistant to experiencing their true feelings or facing their issues. People often stop the healing process when the pain comes up and then they often try to suppress the feelings again. They fail to understand that they wouldn’t be holding so much pain inside had they not spent so much of their life avoiding the feelings and issues they haven’t wanted to deal with. It’s important for people to realize that there is no escape. Sadly many will continue to suffer as they live with all that pain and stress within their bodies and that will cause them to attract similar partners and reenact the same kinds of patterns.

Many of us want so desperately to find someone to love and be loved by and yet we’re abandoning ourselves whenever we shut down emotionally or avoid our feelings. We rather put it all behind us or forget so that we can move on and then go out and find someone whose just going to love us and make it all better. Life seldom ever works like that.

Those of us who disconnect from our feelings and physical bodies are not being fully present. We do not have a healthy intimate relationship with ourselves; therefore we are incapable of experiencing healthy intimacy with anyone else. In other words, no one else can truly love us until we learn to love ourselves.

Limited Processing capacity

People often say they’re in touch with their feelings, but the vast majority of us are only accessing the very surface most levels of our feelings. Everyone varies in their capacity to process emotions and work through issues. Those of us who possess a greater processing capacity can digest feelings of anger, grief, hurt, loss and sadness more quickly and easily. That makes us better equipped to handle the challenges of daily life. Those of us who have disconnected from our feelings and physical bodies have a very limited capacity to process our emotions.

A huge jolt to the system

A painful breakup or divorce is a huge jolt to the system that can devastate and in some instances blow us out of the water. Our defense structures break down and the backlog of painful emotion stored within comes flooding to the surface leaving us feeling totally overwhelmed.

Feelings that are not “digested” remain trapped in the body indefinitely. Our limited capacity to process the emotions that arise in response to what’s happening in our lives makes it very difficult for us to heal, let go and move on when things are not working. The highly charged emotions associated with past trauma, hurt and abandonment also causes many of us get locked into patterns of abandonment and unrequited love or we find ourselves continually attracting the wrong kinds of partners. We pine indefinitely when someone doesn’t reciprocate our feelings of love, stay trapped in toxic dysfunctional relationships and remain trapped in our grief when a relationship ends.

Some of us also have a tendency to obsess about our partners by constantly trying to figure out why they act as they do and why our relationships are not working the way we want them to. Spinning ourselves around in circles by thinking obsessively about our partners and why things are not working in our relationships generates more painful feelings. These feelings get trapped in our bodies and that reinforces our painful fixation in a way that makes it all the more difficult for us to let go.

What happens to all of the feelings that we fail to digest?

Jelena had never dealt with her feelings after the dissolution of her marriage. She drank for the first few months to numb the pain. Jelena described a profound sadness accompanied by a sense of heaviness when I had her check in. She felt sick to her stomach as she began to breathe into the feelings. After some time she could feel the sadness moving up from her abdomen to her throat.

Manfred worked on Wall Street as a broker and was so focused on making money that he ignored the many problems in his relationship. Manfred crashed after the breakup feeling as though he had lost all sense of direction in life. Manfred says he no longer knows who he is or what he wants. He feels as though he’s caught up in a tangled web of resentment towards his ex-girlfriend and anger at himself.

Many are so out of touch with their feelings and physical bodies. Their internal state of being looks and feels very dark and murky and is full of anger, hurt, fear, confusion, resentment and sadness. This whole bandwidth of the psyche has become so toxic or polluted. War, other forms of violence and the destruction of the planet are all manifestations of the destructive forces operating within resulting from our individual and collective failure to take the steps necessary to heal our woundedness.

Emotions sitting within the body for indefinite periods of time become very heavy, dense and stagnant. Undigested emotional content tends to break down or putrefy over time. This emotional residue has a very numbing or desensitizing effect. It can cause our bodies to become very tense or armored and accelerate the aging process by impairing the functions of the organs and systems. We may also develop a heavy and depressive quality. Our range of possibility diminishes and in some cases we find ourselves in a state of paralysis.

Many of us stuff ourselves with food, smoke or rely on pharmaceuticals or self-medicate with alcohol and other drugs to numb the pain. Pharmaceuticals and recreational drugs and the many other things we do to numb or distract ourselves may provide momentary relief from the pain but they never resolve the issues or take our suffering away. What usually happens is that the painful emotions fester within our bodies. These emotions feel much worse after having sat within us for so long if we ever do allow them to come out.

All of us have been hurt, if not deeply wounded, somewhere along the way. Many of us were abused as children. We’ve experienced all kinds of hurts, losses and disappointments in our adult relationships. The problem is that most of us were never taught how to work effectively with our feelings. And most of us have very limited access to the resources that would facilitate healing. That leaves many of us very disconnected, if not totally out of touch, with our internal state of being. The disconnect that takes place when we fail to process our feelings or shut down emotionally leaves us so far removed from the underlying source of our issues and that’s why many of us feel so powerless to effect change in our lives.

Most people never fully process the feelings of hurt and loss after going through a painful breakup or divorce. The intensity of the feelings will diminish in intensity over time, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that we have truly healed. The leftover residue of our unprocessed grief, loss, hurt, anger, fear and desperation remains trapped within our bodies indefinitely. Those of us who fail to thoroughly digest the painful emotions can never fully heal and move on in our lives.

It’s the parts of our body-mind consciousness that enables us to feel that make it possible for us to bond or form healthy attachments to other human beings. The problem here is that most people are not process oriented. It’s our unwillingness or lack of desire to face the issues or experience our true feelings prevents us from learning or growing. The deep emotional wounds resulting from past hurts and traumatic experiences that we fail to address make it very difficult for us to form any kind of healthy attachment.

Hurt, fear, anger, resentment and other conflicted feelings held in the body create distortions in our consciousness that seriously limit our capacity to bond with another. Shutting down emotionally also diminishes our capacity for empathy and that makes it all the more difficult for us to understand the needs and considerations of others. People who are not working constructively with their feelings do not grow. Many of our relationships fail because one or both partners possess the emotional maturity of a hurt, angry, fearful and confused child.

Many of us are placing way too much emphasis on externals such as physical appearance, wearing the right clothes, saying the right things, acting a certain way, the kind of car we drive and house we live in and how much money we make. Taking care of one’s appearance and having financial security are important, but it has no direct correlation with our ability to form healthy attachments. It’s just not possible to have a truly healthy relationship when our body-mind is full of sadness, hurt, disappointment, anger and other toxic emotional baggage. Our relationships only become healthier and more loving when we take the steps that will enable us to heal and evolve.

Taking a different approach

Many of those who show up for class a time or two and disappear mistakenly assume they have learned all they need to know and yet they’ve barely scratched the surface. It can take weeks, months and sometimes years to firmly grasp the practices I’m teaching and to fully process the feelings of a break up or divorce and other emotional baggage accumulated over the course of their lives.

Errol was seething with anger and resentment towards his former wife when he first showed up in my class. But he gradually developed a cheerful disposition and became much more easy going over the next year and a half as he continued to work through the many difficult feelings and issues. It wasn’t long before Errol got together with another woman who turned out to be a much better match for him. Some who have chosen to work with me individually have been able to bounce back and move on in their lives after a painful breakup or divorce and get on in their lives after a few sessions.

Most of us have huge amounts of work to do, and yet the vast majority have a very limited grasp of the work that needs to be done to facilitate healing. Matters become even further complicated whenever we try to escape our suffering. Healing requires tremendous discipline and commitment and only a small percentage are willing to do what it takes to make that happen.

It’s fairly common for people rooted in the ancient traditional cultures such as those found in the different parts of Asia to be doing various form of intensive spiritual practices on a daily basis throughout the course of their lives. Consistent practice enables those who follow the ancient spiritual disciplines to continually develop their bodies and minds and to deepen their connection with the source. Daily practice enables one to develop greater physical, mental and emotional resilience.

The whole concept of daily practice to develop one’s body, mind and spirit is totally foreign to many in our modern western culture. The vast majority of people seem to have lost touch with themselves and are therefore lacking in body-mind consciousness. That’s not at all surprising considering that we have learned from an early age to disconnect from our feelings and physical bodies.

The dysfunctional patterns that cause us to form attachments to people who abuse and abandon us or that do not reciprocate our feelings of love have so many highly charged emotions attached to them. The residue of these charged emotions blind us in a way that prevents us from seeing what we’re getting ourselves into and recognizing our partners for who they truly are.

I struggled for years with patterns of abandonment and rejection. Somehow I had an instinctive sense that I needed to breathe into the painful feelings that were surfacing. Breathing into the feelings helped to diffuse the painful emotions that were creating so much suffering. I stopped doing the practice once the pain subsided and yet I was still stuck in many ways. It took me a long time to realize that I needed to be breathing into all of the feelings and sensations pertaining to what was stuck, stagnant or not working in my life.

My intuition eventually led me to breathe into the feelings of deadness that I experienced in my heart after an ex-girlfriend suddenly disappeared from my life. I began to experience a sense of warmth and connectedness flowing from within as I continued to process the many layers of deadened emotion held within my chest. I began to develop many other variations of this practice over time. I later incorporated various Chi Gong practices once I began to train with Shifu Li Tai Liang in the Internal Martial Arts. Having the opportunity to train with Shifu and others who have attained mastery in various ancient spiritual traditions has helped me to grasp the importance of intensive daily practice.

Grow or die

Betty Friedan, a leading figure in the women’s movement during the 1960’s once said “Growth is what human beings are made for. If we don’t grow, we die.” Healing and personal growth take place when we face the issues and work constructively to process what we feel in response to them a daily basis. Failure to do so leads to contraction and stagnation.

We often feel devastated when our relationships don’t work out the way we want them to, but we can become far more resilient and develop the capacity to use everything that happens as fuel for growth. When that happens we’re able to let go and walk away when we need to. We get over setbacks, hurts and disappointments much more easily. We become much more open and receptive so that something new and better can come into our lives. And we find ourselves attracted to healthier companions.

Certain aspects of the healing process can only be done on our own. We all need to be doing some form of intensive daily practice such as Chi Gong, Pranayama, Yoga and Tai Chi. We also need to be doing practices that will help us to digest what we feel in response to the many issues or concerns impacting our lives. The practices I teach are quite simple and yet they are some of the most powerful healing tools or resources anyone will ever gain access to because they awaken the innate healing intelligence that resides within our bodies and minds. We do that by breathing into the feelings or sensations that arise in response to what’s taking place in our lives.

Afraid to feel

Many of us are now afraid to experience our true feelings fearing that they would completely overwhelm us if we were to ever allow them to come out. That often stems from the fact that we hold so much pain inside. It’s important for us to understand that the volume of painful feelings held within will gradually diminish as we take the steps necessary to facilitate healing.

We can’t do it all on our own …Knowing when it’s time to seek intervention

Doing so many years of intensive daily practice has greatly heightened my sensory capacity. I can always see and feel the deep emotional wounds of those attending my classes as I sit at the front of the room. I feel how the painful emotions and other stresses held within people’s bodies constrict their consciousness. And I see how it causes them to reenact many of the same kinds of dramas and to cycle through the same sets of thoughts and feelings. Many of these individuals are suffering terribly and yet they’re not doing much of anything constructive to facilitate healing.

It’s hard for me to fathom being so deeply wounded and not taking action. I knew with all certainty that I had serious work to do when I saw the traumas of my childhood and adolescence playing out in my adult relationships. I was so determined to heal that I would try any approach that held promise. I usually did at least three to ten sessions of any modality I chose to explore to determine what, if any, progress I was making. And I kept working with the practices and modalities I found to be most effective.

I’ve worked with a number of exceptionally powerful healers whenever the opportunity presented itself. I have also gone through many vision quests, a traditional Native American practice that involves going alone into the mountains to fast for four days and nights without food or water. It’s this commitment to doing whatever it takes to heal that has enabled me to heal the kinds of wounds that most people continue to live with for the remainder of their lives.

Stepping up to the plate

In many instances the dysfunctional patterns that create so much suffering in our lives are so deeply entrenched that we require the assistance of a powerful healer to help us digest the highly charged emotions and “reformat” our system. The emotional wounds resulting from my own childhood trauma and subsequent reenactments were so deeply ingrained within by body and mind. I would have never completely healed had I not had the opportunity to work with a number of exceptionally powerful healers and go through the vision quest.

People like Yvette, Karen, Henry, Jelena and Manfred tend to become more heavy and stagnant as they fail to deal with their issues and digest their emotions. They often sink deeper into their dysfunction as the years go by. It’s important that you become fully honest by asking yourself “Is this the kind of life I want to be living?” If not, then what are you willing to do about it? It’s important for you to understand that nothing much is going to change until you take constructive action to facilitate the changes you desire. And there is no time better than the present.

The vast majority of people who have been deeply wounded will continue to suffer for the remainder of their lives. That has a lot to do with the fact that many of our conventional and alternative approaches to healing are very limited in their effectiveness. It may be necessary for you to go beyond your comfort zone by stepping into the realm of the unfamiliar in order to heal.

Native Americans learned to rely upon the forces of nature. Their traditional doctors were some of the most exceptionally powerful healers on the planet. Special gifts and powers of healing had been passed down from mentor to apprentice or were received during the vision quests. These gifts and powers facilitated healing that would not have otherwise been possible.

People experience much more profound healing changes when they combine the practices I’m teaching with the individual sessions. Consistent practice combined with the individual healing sessions will enable you to develop a much greater processing capacity and become more present to your feelings and physical body. This will give you more of the strength within that will better enable you to handle whatever comes along.

The presence working through me during the individual sessions cleans up the convoluted tangled mass of feelings by helping you to digest the grief, hurt, sadness, resentment, anger and fear and in the process they build a much stronger foundation from which to form healthy attachments. You will become more congruent as the conflicted parts of you come to a place of resolution. You will become more authentic and that will enable you to live from a place of honesty and integrity. You will also develop greater capacity for love, empathy and compassion.

The changes that take place as you heal your woundedness will enable you to cultivate inner beauty. That will make it easier for you to attract the love you truly need and desire. You will naturally find yourself attracting and attracted to healthier companions. Your capacity to love will deepen and you will form progressively healthier attachments as you continue to heal and grow.

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Ben Oofana is a healer who began his training with Horace Daukei, one of the last surviving traditional doctors among the Kiowa Indian tribe. To learn more or to schedule a private session call (913) 927-4281