Why Emotional Intelligence is So Crucial to the Success of Our Love Lives

Leave a comment

enamoured II
Rachel has dated lots of men over the past fifteen years and at one point she was engaged to be married, but the relationships never seem to work out. None of the men that she has become involved with have been an appropriate match. Some have also had serious emotional problems. Rachel’s attempts to make sense of her interactions with these different men has left her with a lot of confusion and frustration.

Most of the people that show up in my classes are having difficulty in their relationships. Some struggle with patterns of abandonment and unrequited love. Many are in the midst of a painful breakup or divorce. Others are stuck in horrible relationships with partners that hurt and abuse them. But many of these individuals can’t seem to let go of their partners and move on even though their relationships are causing them so much distress. The emotional pain that they haven’t been able to process keeps them locked into a holding pattern that prevents them from letting go of partners and relationships that are not working.

Our technologically advanced society places a high value on intellectual development. We may be intellectually sophisticated and yet we are often stunted in our emotional development. Being stunted emotionally seriously impedes our interpersonal development. That’s why so many of us lack empathy, compassion and the ability to understand ourselves and others. Our emotional — interpersonal deficits greatly limit the extent to which we can form any kind of healthy attachment.

We’ve learned to shut down and disconnect from our feelings and physical bodies from the time we come into this world and that greatly impairs our ability to gain access to and process our feelings. It is through the parts of our body – mind consciousness that experiences feelings and emotions that we form attachments.

We need to be able to process our feelings so that we can know when someone is a good match for us or not. We need to be able to process our feelings so that we can address the issues that arise and bring the conflicts that are a normal part of being in a relationship with another human being to resolution. We need to be able to process emotionally so that we can let go of our attachments to partners that are not healthy. We need to be able to do the deep level emotional processing in order to learn and grow from our interactions with others and form healthy attachments.

Spinning ourselves around in circles

Many people come to my classes expecting to hear a lecture or thinking that they’re going to talk their way out of their suffering. And then they wonder why I have them sitting there with their eyes closed doing meditative practices. We do spend some time discussing the issues and concerns of everyone in attendance. But the primary emphasis is to get people out of their heads and into their bodies by doing the practices that will facilitate healing. I’ve learned through my own experience and that of the many people I’ve worked with. Attempting to think or talk our way out of our heartaches spins us around in circles and that downward spiral keeps reinforcing our suffering.

There is an intellectual component to healing and yet many of us over do it and end up getting stuck in repetitive loops of thought. We can never think or talk their way out of these kinds of dysfunctional relationship patterns. Our attempts to make sense of what’s happening by over-analyzing what’s not working in our relationships keeps generating more fear, anxiety and other painful emotions. The accumulation of these emotions reinforces our dysfunctional patterns.

We can work with a life coach or spend years of our lives and thousands of dollars on psychotherapy. We may come out of our coaching sessions or therapy with “how to strategies” or an intellectual understanding of our suffering and yet the patterns that have caused so much pain and stress in our romantic involvements keep repeating themselves.

I am not in any way saying don’t work with the psychotherapist. Psychotherapy can be a very important part of our individual healing process. I went to psychotherapy for three years and I would sit there talking about what wasn’t working in my life. I gained a much needed intellectual understanding, but it did little to help me do the deep level emotional processing necessary to heal the wounded parts of myself. The same kinds of dysfunctional patterns kept playing out in my relationships. I had to incorporate other practices and resources to facilitate the healing of the deep emotional wounds.

Lack of understanding

Two men and eight women showed up in one of my recent classes. One of the two men spent much of the class processing the grief and emptiness over the death of his wife. The first woman that spoke shared that she had never been able to get back to herself since she broke up with an abusive boyfriend two years ago. She was feeling a deep sadness, along with a sense of being unsafe and unsupported as a result of having lost her boyfriend. A young Malaysian woman revealed that she has been suffering from depression. This woman’s soon to be ex-husband couldn’t deal with her moodiness and lack of engagement. The husband ended up having an affair. This woman’s emotional distress was greatly exacerbated when she discovered that her husband had been unfaithful. She said that her emotional state is constantly fluctuating and that she’s always looking for an escape. A Korean woman told us how angry she was to find her boyfriend texting another woman even thought he was open about the matter and assured her that the other woman was only a platonic friend. She admitted that the feelings of jealousy were making her crazy and that she would sometimes cry, become violent and start hitting her boyfriend.

One of the younger women that attended that night told us that she was scared to let go of the boyfriend she had broken up with nearly a year ago even though he was seeing other women. She was still obsessed with her former love and overwhelmed by feelings of anguish, hurt, jealousy, regret and self-pity. I spent some time looking into her aura afterwards. I could see that she was extremely ungrounded and strung out on her former partner like an addict craving her drug of choice.

None of these individuals knew how to work constructively with their emotions before attending my class. All of them indicated that they felt better after I had them go through the practices. It remains to be seen whether any of them will follow up to do the much needed work that would facilitate the healing of their own woundedness.

People often show up in my classes a time or two and then disappear. It saddens me because I see and feel the fear, pain and confusion held within their bodies. And I can tell by looking at, listening to them and feeling what’s going on within their bodies and minds that they do not possess the understandings or resources that would enable them to fully heal the deep emotional wounds on their own. Many of the same patterns will continue to play out in their relationships. They will most likely attract the same kinds of partners and reenact the dramas of past relationships all over again. And some will just give up on romantic relationships all together.

Cultural deficit

Most people in our present-day Western culture cannot grasp the kinds of ongoing practice that people in the various ancient spiritual traditions have done for thousands of years to develop their bodies and minds. So many of us lack the discipline and drive that would compel us to do the practices with any kind of regularity. Many of us are also overwhelmed by the demands placed upon us. We’re also finding it difficult to keep our minds focused because our brains have been rewired by our excessive use of technology. We say we don’t have time to devote to intensive practice. But we might be surprised how much time would become available when we cut down on the amount of time we spend surfing the net, playing games and watching television.

As a society, we tend to be very outwardly focused and that’s why we possess such a limited awareness of our own internal state of being. Many of us do not understand our own emotions. We’ve never learned to work constructively with our feelings and have absolutely no conception of the amount of deep emotional processing that is needed to truly facilitate the healing of the wounded parts of ourselves. And many of us are so fearful of going to those wounded places within. This whole range of our body — mind consciousness remains stunted in its development. Our resistance to experiencing the full range of our feelings perpetuates the dysfunctional patterns in our relationships that continue to cause us so much suffering.

Healing can only occur when we do the deep level processing and make use of the resources needed to facilitate the healing of our emotional wounds. Only then can we develop the emotional intelligence that will enable us to create the kinds of healthy and loving attachments that we truly need and desire.

Looking into the mirror

We’re immersed in a culture that operates at the very surface most levels of awareness. Many of us excel in our professional lives, at various creative endeavors and other areas that we’re passionate about. And yet we often feel hurt, lost and deeply confused when it comes to interpersonal matters.

Our relationships serve as a mirror of the conflicted issues and unprocessed emotions that we’re holding within our bodies and minds. Dysfunctional relational patterns such as the inability to commit to or be faithful to another person, unrequited love, abandonment and becoming involved with unstable and abusive partners are all reflections of how deeply wounded we are and the fact that we have failed to develop emotionally. The vast majority of us fail to recognize and make use the opportunities to heal our woundedness that are being presented to us within the context of our relationships.

Much of the population cannot easily access their feelings. Those of us who find it difficult to access to what we’re feeling will have greater difficulty working through conflicting thoughts and feelings. Therefore we cannot understand our own needs, desires and other driving forces working beneath the surface.

We all have a conscious and subconscious mind. The part of us that is conscious is primarily aware of our current set of thoughts, feelings and bodily sensations and the environmental input filtering through our sensory channels at any given moment. Our subconscious mind contains all of the hurts, losses, confusion, disappointments, conflicting needs and desires and issues that we have failed to bring to resolution.

Shutting down or avoiding the feelings and issues that we rather not face only widens the gap between our conscious and subconscious minds. Those of us who have shut down emotionally and that have disconnected from the wounded parts of us do not really know ourselves. We cannot possibly understand or be intimate with another person because we are not able to understand or be truly intimate with ourselves. We cannot really see the other person for who they truly are because we are so blinded by our projection. We act out our anger, fear, hurt, insecurity and confusion by saying and doing things that are hurtful to our partner. And for that reason our relationships turn into a series of big messy dramas that involve little learning or growth.

Relationship as a journey of healing and personal growth

Relationships just don’t work very well when we’re deeply wounded …at least not for very long. I used to get so caught up in my own projections that I couldn’t see the women I had developed an attachment to for who they truly were. I would try to get these women’s attention and to get them to reciprocate what I was feeling. In some instances I would unwittingly push to the point to where it made them feel uncomfortable. A few of these women cut me off completely. I was then hit with the reality that my feelings and desire for connection would never be reciprocated. I would then find myself engulfed in this all-consuming pain. And the torturous pattern just kept replaying itself.

I suffered a great deal of abuse during my childhood and adolescence. Much of the drama playing out in my romantic relationships was a reenactment of past trauma. These painful dramas were a reflection of my own woundedness. Nothing changed for the better until I did the work necessary to facilitate the healing of the deep emotional wounds. Facilitating these changes required a tremendous effort. Despite the fact that I’m in a much better space, I continue to see the journey of healing and growth that I began as a lifelong process of transforming my body and mind.

Many years of intensive training in the Chinese Internal Martial Arts of Xin Yi Quan, Baguazhang and Chi Gong with Sifu Li Tai Liang has shown me a side of ancient Chinese culture that is very wise and deeply connected to the forces of creation. One of the most important lessons I’ve learned from all of my training is the value of intensive daily practice.

I do hours of intensive practice to develop my body and mind from the time I get out of bed in the morning. I begin with Chi Gong and other forms of Internal Martial Arts practices. And then I’ll do about an hour of a special meditative practice that I’ve developed over the years that helps me to digest what’s going on in my life and any subsequent feelings that arise. Working consistently with these practices helps me to develop a stronger connection with the authentic core residing deep within and the higher power.

I begin the meditative practice by acknowledging whatever is happening within the context of my relationships. From there I’ll direct my attention to what I’m feeling in response to what’s happening and to the parts of my body where the feelings are situated. I then begin to breathe softly and deeply while centering my awareness in the middle of the feelings and sensations that arise.

Processing what I’m feelings in this way enables me to take whatever is happening in my life and use it as fuel for growth. Processing these feelings gives me an intuitive understanding of myself, the person with whom I’m relating and the nature of our interaction. It helps me to communicate more easily and effectively. I’m finding it much easier to bring issues to a place of resolution.

Much of the trauma of my childhood and adolescence was so deeply ingrained within my body and mind. I would have never fully healed these wounds on my own. Deep tissue body work helped to bring the emotions stored in my body up to the surface so that I could process them. I worked with a number of exceptionally powerful healers whenever the opportunity presented itself. I also went on many vision quests, a traditional Native American healing practice that involves going out to fast alone in the mountains for four days and nights without food or water. The healing sessions and vision quests enabled me to build a whole new foundation.

The overall quality of my relationships improved as I began to take the steps to facilitate the healing of the parts of me that were so deeply wounded. The romantic projections began to lose their intensity and dissolve. I then found that I was no longer attracted to unavailable, disingenuous and abusive women or those with whom I did not resonate.

The many years of intensive practice has made me very empathic. I began to feel the presence of the women that I found myself attracted to and the way they reacted or responded to me. I also became more acutely aware of my own feeling and energetic responses to the women with whom I interacted.

There have been many instances since that time where I would approach or engage a woman in conversation when I felt a strong physical attraction. But then I would realize that there was nothing more than physical attraction. I got to a place where I could politely disengage if I felt a lack of resonance or sensed that the woman I was speaking with wasn’t in a good place. At other times I would realize that there was a lot of common ground with the woman that I had been spending time with, but I also had a clear sense that the connection was one of platonic friendship.

I have friends of both genders and yet in many ways I find it easier to relate to women. I most enjoy spending time with sensitive, open-minded, creative, caring and intelligent women that I can learn from. For me, one of the most difficult aspects of living in New York City is the fear and suspicion that many women hold towards men. Sadly, there are significant numbers of badly behaving men in the city that give women legitimate reasons to be concerned for their safety and wellbeing.

There have been instances in which I’ve engaged with women and it was quite obvious that we both enjoyed the interaction and shared many common interests. The potential was there for friendship and possibly something more and yet their fear and mistrust made it difficult for them to be receptive. I have sometimes felt sad about the missed connections, but I’ve found it easier to let go. Some of these same women were more receptive to me when I ran into them at a later date. I’m also noticing that more women are drawn to me and that they feel safer in my presence as I continue to heal and grow.

Relationships are very much a learn as we go process. We will invariably make mistakes along the way. I have at times felt ashamed over the lack of awareness, sensitivity and understanding that I demonstrated the past. Working with the practice I’m describing in this chapter enables me to be more cognizant of the feedback I’m receiving. I’m better able to learn from mistakes and to correct course when necessary and relate in healthier ways.

Having the ability to access and process what I’m feeling adds greater depth and dimension to the interaction while making it possible for me to relate from a place of greater authenticity. Breathing into the feelings and sensations that arise in response to what’s happening in my interactions makes it possible for me to be that much more fully present. I can then use whatever happens within the context of my relationships as fuel for growth. I’ve become more intuitive and empathic and that enables me to be more in tune with the needs and considerations of my partner and other people with whom I engage. And that has resulted in a huge increase in the overall quality of my interactions. I’m also seeing these same kinds of changes taking place within those who have the opportunity to work with me.

Cultivating emotional Intelligence

The practices I’m teaching in my classes of becoming fully present to any feelings or bodily sensations that arise in response to what’s happening in one’s personal interactions cultivate emotional intelligence. Breathing into the feelings and sensations as they arise awakens the innate healing intelligence residing within the body and mind. This healing intelligence facilitates a process of “digestion.” Whatever happens within the context of one’s relationship can then be used as fuel for growth.

I sometimes feel as though my hands are tied when I’m sitting in front of the class room. I see and feel the extent to which people are wounded as I’m looking into their bodies and minds. In many instances the wounding is so extensive that it cannot possibly be healed by practice alone. These individuals need serious intervention to facilitate the healing that would not otherwise be possible. It’s very unfortunate that the majority of those in attendance have absolutely no understanding of the healing practices of the Native Americans and other ancient traditional cultures. And therefore they have absolutely no sense of what’s truly possible.

Native American’s didn’t have access to the kinds of modern medical interventions that people in today’s world depend upon. They lived out in the wild and learned to rely upon the forces of nature. It was a fairly common practice among many of tribes for people to go out to fast alone in the mountains without food or water for four days and nights. Many of these individuals received various gifts and healing capabilities. The traditional native doctors would allow other forces or beings to work through them to facilitate healing within the body and mind that would not have otherwise been possible.

Some of the more gifted traditional Native American doctors went on the vision quest many times over the course of their lives. At some point towards the end of their lives they would transmit portions of their power to a younger apprentice. I was fortunate to have the opportunity to spend a number of years training with one of the last surviving traditional doctors among the Kiowa Indian tribe. Since that time I have furthered my development by going on many of the vision quests.

The presence working through me during the individual sessions facilitates the healing of the deep emotional wounds associated with patterns of abandonment and unrequited love. The emotions become more manageable as the grief and other painful feelings associated with a breakup, divorce or death of a loved one are diffused and then digested. Changes taking place within the biochemical makeup and neurostructure of the brain and the building of the infrastructure consisting of the chakras and layers of the aura create greater mental — emotional stability and a sense of well-being. Those who have the opportunity to work with me become more firmly rooted in their bodies. Their connection to the authentic core residing deep within and the higher power grows much stronger. The profound awakening that takes place within the body and mind provides tremendous insight and understanding into the patterns that have played out in one’s relationships. The changes resulting from these sessions also make it possible to attract healthier companions and create more fulfilling relationships.

©Copyright 2015 Ben Oofana. All Rights Reserved. This content may be copied in full, with copyright, creation and contact information intact, without specific permission.

Ben Oofana is a healer who began his training with Horace Daukei, one of the last surviving traditional doctors among the Kiowa Indian tribe. Call (913) 927-4281 to learn more or to schedule an individual session.

Abdominal Pain and Bloating

Leave a comment

Digestion 2
Nearly all of us experience abdominal pain at some point in our life. In most instances it is not caused by a serious medical problem. Abdominal pain can originate from any of the internal organs such as the stomach, small and large intestines, liver, gall bladder, spleen or kidneys.

The severity of the pain doesn’t necessarily reflect seriousness of the condition causing the discomfort. Severe abdominal pain can result from gas or cramping and is usually not an indication of serious health issues, unless it last longer than twenty-four hours and is accompanied by a fever. Mild pain or an absence of pain or sensation may be present with life-threatening conditions such as cancer or the early stages of appendicitis.

Abdominal pain may vary from being generalized throughout the midsection or focused in specific areas. Localized pain is more likely to indicate that there is a problem in one of the internal organs such as the appendix, gallbladder or stomach.

There are many possible causes for abdominal pain and bloating such as diverticulitis, food allergies, food poisoning, stomach flu and indigestion. Pain in the upper portion of the abdomen may be an indication of a heart attack. Pain or burning sensation in the upper abdomen that is either relieved or gets worse when we eat may result from gastritis or an irritation of the stomach resulting from an ulcer. A stomach that is very tender to the touch accompanied by bloody diarrhea or stools that are black and tarry or vomiting blood may be an indication of appendicitis, infectious diarrhea, bleeding from the bowels or bowel blockage. Pain in the upper portion of the abdomen that worsens when we eat fatty foods may indicate an infection of the gallbladder. Pain in the lower abdomen accompanied by blood or mucus in the stools could be a sign of ulcerative colitis or Crohn’s disease which is an inflammatory disease of the large intestines. Going without a bowel movement for a few days or longer or having to strain while using the bathroom is usually an indication of constipation. Abdominal pain may also indicate the presence of parasites or obstruction within the intestines resulting from a tumor or polyp. Chronic dull pain associated with the loss of body weight and the presence of blood in the stool, black tarry stools, vomiting or jaundice may indicate the presence of cancer or hepatitis. Pain experienced in response to an injury sustained after an accident or blow to the stomach may be an indication of internal bleeding, rupture of the spleen or damage to other internal organs.

Mild discomfort or a feeling of pressure in the lower abdomen that is accompanied by burning sensations when urinating may be an indication of cystitis which is an infection of the urinary tract. Sharp sudden pain that starts in the back near the ribs and moves down towards the groin may indicate the presence of kidney stones or kidney or bladder infection.

A number of disease processes that occur in other parts of the body have their origins within the gastrointestinal tract. Diseases associated with the gastrointestinal tract disorders include depression, migraine headaches, asthma, sinusitis and fibromyalgia.

Consistent pain in the lower abdomen accompanied with vaginal discharge may be a sign of pelvic inflammatory disease which is an infection around the ovaries, uterus and fallopian tubes. Lower abdominal or pelvic pain in pregnant women accompanied by abdominal bleeding may be an indication of an ectopic pregnancy or miscarriage.

It’s important that we not ignore symptoms of disease, but to see a physician to determine the cause and administer proper treatment if necessary. We need to seek medical attention if we are unable to pass stools, if we are vomiting blood or passing blood in our stools, experience burning sensations while urinating or if we have a fever over one hundred degrees Fahrenheit. Electrolyte imbalances caused by chronic diarrhea can have especially severe consequences particularly in young children and the elderly and may result in dehydration, brain damage, kidney failure, heart attack or stroke. A physician should be consulted if diarrhea persists for longer than twenty-four hours. Diagnostic measures such as blood tests, ultrasound of the abdomen and gastroscopy and colonoscopy can help to determine the source of the problem.

Gas and bloating

Gas and bloating are signs that food is not being properly digested. Stress or anxiety, gastrointestinal infection, parasitic infestation, bowel obstruction and diseases such as irritable bowel syndrome, ulcerative colitis and Celiac disease can also contribute to bloating. Abdominal bloating may also result from consuming gas producing foods such as beans and broccoli.

People who experience lactose intolerance may experience bloating as a result of their inability to digest dairy products. Others may experience an allergic reaction to gluten which is a component found in wheat. It’s fairly common for people with a history of trauma to have food sensitivities that cause them to react adversely to a number of foods. That can severely limit the range of foods they are able to consume.

Cramping and bloating is often accompanied by abdominal pain. Cramping often occurs because of muscle spasms in the internal organs that occur in response to allergic reactions to certain foods. Cramping in the region directly behind the navel is related to the small intestines. Cramping near the sides, top and bottom of the lower abdomen is associated with the colon or large intestines.

Dietary Choices

Poor dietary choices are often the source of abdominal pain and bloating. Consumption of highly processed foods, artificial sweeteners and carbonated drinks contribute to bloating. Greasy, fried, fatty foods can cause gastrointestinal irritation. Foods with high amounts of cholesterol are conducive to the formation of bile stones. Consumption of fatty foods can lead to the formation of fat cells throughout the body. Fatty foods also cause bloating by slowing down the body’s ability to empty the stomach.

Diets high in fiber consisting of whole grains, fruits, vegetables, legumes, nuts and seeds help to support healthy digestion. Peppermint tea, ginger, pineapple, parsley and yogurts containing intestine-friendly bacterial cultures can enhance our digestive process thereby reducing bloating.

We need to remember that digestion begins in the mouth. We can decrease bloating by taking time to taste and chew our food thoroughly. We also need to be drinking plenty of fluids and getting at least thirty minutes of physical activity a day.

Digestive enzymes

Digestive enzymes are essential to the body’s ability digest, absorb and utilize nutrients in foods. The body’s capacity to produce digestive enzymes decreases as we age. The body has a difficult time digesting foods when it lacks proper enzymes. Foods are more likely to ferment within the digestive tract when there are insufficient digestive enzymes and bile acids to break them down. Difficulty absorbing the nutrients of foods and the resulting toxicity of unprocessed foods that accumulate within the digestive tract can result in a variety of chronic disorders. Taking digestive enzyme supplements can help to alleviate the symptoms of gas and bloating and improve digestion.

Diet and supplements are critically important to maintaining healthy digestion. Some people take the notion too far, assuming they can solve all of their digestive issues by eating the right foods and taking supplements. Our digestive tract will never fully heal until we learn to digest the difficult or painful emotions and heal the traumas that place so much stress upon our physical bodies.

Stress related

A large percentage of issues affecting the digestive tract are stress related. Our life experiences and any subsequent feeling that arise in response to what’s taking place need to be digested. The feelings we fail to digest turn into a heavy congestive residue that is stored within the body’s internal organs and tissues. The stagnant residue of our undigested emotions and other stresses impair the functions of the internal organs.

Physical toxins begin to accumulate within the body when the cells, tissues and organs become loaded down the additional stress of our unprocessed emotional baggage. The combination of age and the accumulation of physical toxin may cause our metabolism to slow down. Many of us start gaining additional weight. Our bodies become very dense from the accumulation of emotional and physical toxin. We may then begin to feel heavy, bloated, stuck and stagnant.

Stagnant emotional residue that accumulates within the body has a deadening effect upon our consciousness. The congealed residue of the feelings and other stresses held within the body impair our ability to process our emotions and work through issues.

Laura internalized much of her mother’s anger during the years she was growing up. She was sexually abused during her childhood and adolescence and held a great deal of emotional pain pertaining to former abusive partners. She works in the financial industry and is also holding a great deal of stress related to her work and the long daily commute.

Laura was very slim as a young woman, but the stresses have been accumulating within her body for many years now. Her metabolism has slowed down and she has gained a considerable amount of weight in recent years. Her naval chakra had broken down completely and was no longer functional. I could also feel a hardened mass within her abdomen.

Laura told me that for much of her life she would decide she wanted to do something and then she just got up and did it. But the accumulation of stress in Laura’s abdomen had shut down her instinctual drive. She has dreamed of going back to school to become a homeopathic physician, but her fears of not succeeding have been holding her back for some time now.

Disrupting the flow

Uma gave birth to her son by Cesarean section. The incision made during the surgery severed the meridians in her lower abdomen and that was causing the life force in this part of her body to pool up and become very stagnant. It also caused considerable damage to the naval chakra.

Uma’s body wasn’t healing on its own. The invasive physical trauma resulting from the surgery left her very dissociated and that was making it difficult for her to function. Uma was overwhelmed by the demands of caring for a young child. The stress upon her body was also compounded by working excessively long hours and getting far too little sleep.

Self-Medicating Our Feelings Away

Varsha has been experiencing a great deal of anxiety about her financial situation. She has been drinking and eating lots of refined sugar and other junk foods over the past few months to cover up the stressful feelings. Varsha started putting on additional weight and her mid-section was becoming very dense.

People who are not dealing with their emotions are more likely to consume refined sugar and other unhealthy foods to diminish the intensity of their anxiety and other stressful feelings. They may also smoke, drink or use other substances to deaden the feelings. The process of desensitization that takes place as we numb our feelings diminishes our capacity to process or work through our emotions and issues. The consciousness within the abdominal region becomes deadened and that leaves us very disconnected.

Treatment for Digestive Distress

People in our western culture have for many years primarily relied upon conventional Allopathic treatment modalities to address symptoms of digestive distress and abdominal pain. Medications are commonly used to alleviate symptoms of gas, bloating, constipation, acid reflux or the pain and inflammation associated with conditions such as ulcerative colitis. People suffering from ulcerative colitis may require surgery if their symptoms do not respond to the medications or if they experience complications such as bleeding or perforation of the intestine.

More people are now turning to holistic treatment modalities such as acupuncture and massage. Herbal remedies such as ajwain seeds, fennel, mugwort, horehound and chamomile help to relieve symptoms of gas and facilitate digestion. Bad bacteria are another common source of digestive issues. The use of probiotics promotes a balance of healthy bacteria within the digestive tract that boosts the immune system and supports good digestion.

Conventional Allopathic and holistic treatment modalities may help to provide momentary relief from the symptoms of digestive distress, but they do not repair the damage within the physical or subtle bodies. Fasting, colonics, acupuncture, acupressure and massage can free up the stagnant energies and other stresses held within the body, but in many instances people do not have the capability to process the feelings and memories that are being brought to the surface.

The stresses of daily life can overwhelm our bodies and minds. I can feel the stress accumulating within my own body in response to the difficulties that I face from day to day. I have to make time to digest these stresses by breathing into the feelings and sensations I experience within my abdomen and various other parts of my body.

I spend a lot of time doing intensive practice, but there still times when the stresses of daily life take their toll on me and I can feel parts of my consciousness contracting. I’m fully cognizant of the fact that I cannot completely heal on my own. Deep tissue body work has helped me to free up the stagnant emotional energies stored in my body. Healing sessions and vision quests help me to digest the emotions that surface, repair damage within my physical and subtle bodies and restore my system. I always experience a greater sense of aliveness throughout my body afterwards.

Our bodies tend to be very resilient during our younger years. But the stresses that we fail to digest tend to congeal within our bodies and minds. The combination of physical and emotional toxins that settle within our abdomen can cause us to feel very heavy and dense and contribute to symptoms of gas and bloating. The subtle bodies, consisting of the aura and chakras support the structural and functional integrity of the organs and systems of the physical body. In many instances the naval chakra breaks down and stops functioning.

Breathing with our attention focused within the feelings and sensations present within the abdomen will help us to become more fully rooted in our bodies. People who are in good shape are more likely to experience sensations of warmth, comfort and aliveness within their digestive tract.

Many people initially tell me that they feel very disconnected from their lower abdominal region. The intestines and other internal organs feel very cold, inert, deadened, inflamed, dark, scary and foreign. Breathing into the sensations within the abdomen helps people to heal and reconnect with this part of their bodies.

The process of reconnecting with our body can feel very uncomfortable at times. Breathing into the physical sensations we experience within the abdomen can bring all kinds of feelings and memories to the surface. The physical toxins that get stirred up in the process may cause us to feel nauseous or experience diarrhea, but the discomfort will subside as we continue to work with the practice.

Breathing into the feelings and sensations within the abdomen awakens the innate healing intelligence that resides within our bodies and minds. It will help us to process the heavy stagnant emotional residue stored within the abdomen. Our bodies will begin to gradually cleanse themselves of the emotional and physical toxins that have been building up within. Our bodies will feel lighter, internal organs become more highly functional and digestion will improve.

Our deeper instinctual consciousness resides within the abdomen. The Enteric nervous system (ENS) which has been described as a second brain consists of over a hundred million neurons and is embedded in the lining of our gastrointestinal system. The ENS produces over thirty neurotransmitters, most of which are identical to those found in the central nervous system such as acetylcholine, dopamine and serotonin. Neurotransmitters are responsible for the signaling that determines our thought processes, emotions, planning and other types of behavior and the functions of our organs and systems.

Breathing into the feelings and sensations within the abdomen awakens the deeper instinctual consciousness inherent within this part of our bodies. This instinctual consciousness gives us a clear sense of the direction we need to be going in our lives.

The abdominal region is the foundation of our consciousness. Becoming fully present is one of the most important aspects of our personal and spiritual development. We become much more firmly rooted within our bodies as we breathe with our awareness focused within the lower abdomen. We also begin to feel much more connected to the Earth.

Breathing with our awareness focused within the lower abdomen is one of the most powerful self-healing practices we can do. This practice becomes considerably more powerful as we do it more often and for longer periods of time. I recommend that people breathe with their awareness focused within the feelings and sensations present within the intestines for thirty to ninety minutes at a time. This practice should be done daily by those who suffer from digestive issues.

The damage within the intestines and other digestive organs may be so great that it requires additional assistance to facilitate healing. I’ve worked with many people who suffer from a wide range of digestive issues such as gas, bloating, impacted bowel and abdominal pain. The presence working through me during the individual healing sessions cleanses the body of toxicity. Damage is repaired within the physical and subtle bodies and the old stagnant emotional residue is purified so it can be digested. In many instances the stomach flattens out and people experience a greater sense of aliveness within their abdomen and other parts of their bodies.

Digestive disorders such as Crohn’s disease, irritable bowel syndrome and ulcerative colitis usually respond very well to the individual healing sessions. The presence working through me rebuilds the naval chakra and repairs damage within the digestive tract. People usually begin to notice improvement within a few sessions. I worked with an elderly man who suffered from ulcerative colitis that complained of abdominal pain and bloody stools. The symptoms of pain, inflammation and bleeding completely subsided after five to six sessions. He went back to his enterologist who confirmed that he had made a dramatic recovery.

A large percentage of the population suffers from abdominal pain, bloating and other digestive issues. The good news is that you can heal with the right combination of foods, supplements and healing practices. These conditions are usually very responsive to the practices I teach and the form of healing power I work with. Feel free to call me at (913) 927-4281 when you’re ready to take the steps that will facilitate your healing.

©Copyright 2011 Ben Oofana. All Rights Reserved. This content may be copied in full, with copyright, contact, creation and information intact, without specific permission.

Learning to Feel Comfortable in Our Social Interactions

Leave a comment

edited social
A young Korean man showed up in one of my classes not too long ago. Hwan shared with us during the introduction that he was having great difficulty expressing himself and was not able to convey his feelings for a woman that he found himself attracted to. I had Hwan bring the woman to the forefront of his awareness by picturing her immediately in front of him while breathing softly and deeply. Before long Hwan complained that he was becoming very dizzy and asked if he could stop. I had Hwan shift the focus by focusing his attention on the feelings and sensations throughout his body. Hwan told me that the dizziness had subsided when I checked in to see how he was doing a few minutes later.

Hwan spoke after completing the practice saying “I was feeling very dizzy when you had me focus my attention on the woman. It felt as though I were spinning. I became much calmer once you had me redirect my attention by having me focus on the physical sensations. I’m feeling more stable, comfortable and peaceful.

I spoke with Hwan after the class and he was receptive when I offered to look into his aura. It was quite apparent that he wasn’t fully inhabiting his body. The solar plexus and navel chakras were very underdeveloped. Hwan told me that he had been subjected to a lot of physical and emotional abuse by his overly controlling parents. He had internalized much of the trauma and that had apparently stunted his development.

The chakras serve as a form of bio-electrical circuitry that support the functions of the various internal organs and systems. In this case they were also reflecting developmental deficits that were making it difficult for Hwan to function. Hwan doesn’t have the faculties needed to remain fully grounded and to work constructively with his feelings. Consequently he is easily overwhelmed and that prevents him from expressing himself.

I told Hwan about my own personal experience of healing from similar traumas and about the success I’ve had working with others struggling with the same kinds of issues. Sadly, people don’t always recognize or make use of the opportunities being presented to them. Much of that has to do with the fact that most people are not familiar with the traditional Indigenous healing practices and their ability to facilitate healing that would not otherwise be possible. Hwan doesn’t possess the resources that would enable him to process his feelings, heal the deep emotional wounds and express himself as a fully functioning adult. He will most likely continue to struggle with the same sets of limitations indefinitely.

I’m very familiar with the difficulties Hwan is experiencing after having suffered similar abuse during my own childhood and adolescence. I was painfully shy for the longest time and that made it very difficult for me to function in various social interactions.

What’s preventing me from functioning?

Many of us feel awkward, shy or become anxious in our attempts to interact with others. Those of us who suffered abuse at some point in our lives may even feel that something is wrong with us or that we are unlovable. We often try to fight or resist these feelings, but in doing so we only feed the emotional forces that are working against us. I started making a practice of paying attention to all the things that were preventing me from expressing myself or functioning in different areas of my life.

I initially began to do this practice while sitting down in a quiet place with my eyes closed. I would bring the person, situation or issue concerning me to the forefront of my awareness then breathe softly and deeply while centering my awareness in the middle of any feelings or bodily sensations that arose. I would also breathe into places where I felt constricted or inhibited. Working with this practice helped me relax and feel more natural and flow more comfortably in my interactions. I continue to do this and other practices on a daily basis.

I’ve learned so much about being present by experimenting and I encourage others to do the same. I realized after some time that I needed to be applying this practice in my daily life. I started making a conscientious effort to be fully present with the feelings and sensations that I was experiencing within my body while in the midst of various interactions with people. After some time I found that I was able to maintain the connection with my feelings and bodily sensations while conversing with others and looking into their eyes. I found that it actually deepened the quality of the interaction.

Range of motion

I would intentionally put myself in all kinds of challenging social situations to further expand my range of motion. I would seek out the kinds of people I admire and do the things I had always wanted to do. The whole process of showing up present on a daily basis helped me to feel more alive. It also left me feeling quite vulnerable at times. Some of the more difficult or challenging situations brought up all kinds of uncomfortable feelings. Fears, anxieties, feelings of shyness, intimidation and inadequacy softened and became more diffuse as I continued to breathe into them. Digesting these feelings helped me to feel more at ease and to move through the world more freely.

I usually vary my focus in accordance with what I’m feeling at any given moment. I will often focus my attention in the chest, abdomen or any other part of the body where the feelings arise. At other times I experience a whole range of feelings and sensations simultaneously in different parts of the body. I will then maintain a more diffuse focus with my attention on the feelings and sensations throughout my body.

Moving into the spotlight

I had to become a public person in order to build a practice as a healer and that has forced me to stretch far beyond my comfort zone. I used to be painfully shy and found public speaking to be especially intimidating. My mind would often go blank while I was giving classes or workshops and then I would sit there frozen and not be able to think of anything to say. It usually took me about an hour to relax enough so that I could feel comfortable. The fear and anxiety has diminished as I’ve continued to work with the practice of breathing into any inhibiting feelings that arose. Now I’m offering classes on a weekly basis. Working in a group format can be very demanding, but I actually enjoy the process when I have people that are open and responsive.

Feelings of intimidation would often surface whenever I went to speak with radio show hosts or the program directors of various healing centers about giving an interview or workshop. I’ve grown to feel more comfortable in these kinds of interactions. I gradually became more cognizant of the fact that I have a great deal of knowledge to share about healing that is not readily available to the general public. I also more appreciative of the fact that I’m a conduit for a very powerful healing presence that is much needed by people in today’s world.

Asserting healthy boundaries

People who are unable to establish healthy boundaries and assert their needs are more likely to get stepped on or taken advantage of. I had suffered abuses for far too long and something inside me was unwilling to tolerate it any longer. I have on numerous occasions breathed into the fear and anger I was experiencing while confronting people that had overstepped their boundaries or were trying to take advantage of me.

The fears and anxieties were so strong in some instances that I would be physically shaking. Making a concerted effort to be fully present while asserting myself helped me to work through my fears and insecurities. It has also enabled me to become more embodied and establish healthier boundaries. It has become much easier for me to assert myself in these kinds of situations. I find the whole process to be very empowering.

Finding that special someone

Many people want more than anything to have someone to love and be loved by, but are afraid to approach or express their feelings for someone they feel attracted to for fear of being rejected. This is one of the main reasons why so many people do not have a love in their life. It also accounts for the fact that many people are settling for someone who is not the best match. They would rather settle than end up being alone.

I was really serious someone in my life, so I began to engage with women I found myself attracted to whenever the opportunity presented itself. I encountered a lot of fear and guardedness and sometimes found myself in awkward and embarrassing situations. I felt hurt or disappointed at times when things didn’t work out quite the way I wanted them to. Breathing through the uncomfortable feelings that surfaced helped me to work through the hurts, disappointments, fears and sense of awkwardness. I stopped personalizing a woman’s lack of response or interest as I came to realize that it had to do more with where she was at.

Many good things came of these interactions. I have gained a much better understanding of women and people in general. I gained a much greater sense of the qualities I truly desire in a friend and companion. I’ve developed the communicative skills that have enabled me to become more socially adept. A lot of these encounters turned into spontaneous dates. A number of the women I met became friends. Some of these encounters have been the start of a relationship. I would have missed out had I not taken action.

I would often breathe into any feelings of attraction or desire at times or the enjoyment of connecting with another human being during these encounters. Teaching myself to become more fully present in this way has helped me to feel more comfortable and flow naturally in my interactions.

Divine intervention

Many of us experience a painful sense of inadequacy or inferiority when we encounter people that we perceive to be smarter, more attractive, powerful or together in some way. Breathing into the underlying sense of inadequacy or any other feelings that arise activates the healing intelligence that resides within our body and mind. We gradually come to a place of greater self-love, appreciation and acceptance as the uncomfortable feelings dissipate.

Those of us who suffered from childhood abuse are more likely to feel damaged or defective. These wounds become so much a part of our makeup. I made a daily practice of being fully present in my body as I went about whatever it is I was doing. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get past some of the debilitating emotional wounds on my own. I would often come up against the limits of my own operating system. I was in many ways dissociated from body and was very cognizant of the fact that I didn’t possess many of the resources I need to do the things that truly mattered to me in life.

I realized that I needed some form of outside intervention in order to heal the deep emotional wounds. I worked with a number of exceptionally powerful healers and went on numerous vision quests, which are a traditional Native American healing practice that involves going out alone into the mountains for four days and nights without food or water. It was during the healing sessions and vision quest that I began to heal the debilitating emotional wounds and develop the resources that have made it possible to become more fully functional in my professional and personal life. I became much more connected to my feelings, my physical body and the world in which I live as a result of these interventions.

We all need to be making a concerted effort to show up, pay attention and participate on a daily basis. We also need to be realistic in understanding that we cannot do it all on our own. It is critically important for us to be making use of the tools and resources to help facilitate the healing and initiate the growth which we are not fully capable of doing on our own.

The never ending process of becoming more fully present

We cannot fully live our lives when we allow ourselves to be controlled by our fears and inhibitions. We need to be confronting our fears head on. Moving beyond our comfort zone by engaging with people and placing ourselves in situations that challenge us facilitates growth. We need to keep in mind that developing the ability to feel comfortable in the various kinds of social interactions is a gradual process. There will always be challenges along the way. Many of the same kinds of feelings and vulnerabilities will resurface in response to the people and circumstances we encounter as we go about our lives. The emotional discomforts that inhibit us will gradually become more diffuse as we continue to work with this practice. And with continued practice we will gradually find ourselves navigating a wider range of social situations with greater comfort and ease and move more freely through the world.

©Copyright 2014 Ben Oofana. All Rights Reserved. This content may be copied in full, with copyright, creation and contact information intact, without specific permission.

Ben Oofana is a healer who began his training with Horace Daukei, one of the last surviving traditional doctors among the Kiowa Indian tribe. Call (913) 927-4281 to learn more or to schedule an individual session.

Growing Along With Our Children

Leave a comment

Parenting
My friend Amy has been struggling with the changes taking place as her daughter grows into adolescence. Just the other day she was saying to me “For the longest time I was the center of my daughter’s world. I sometimes feel a tremendous sense of grief and loss because I no longer have the lovely close cuddly relationship with my daughter. Now she just pushes me away. It’s as if she’s saying “Don’t even bother.” It’s very hard for me to step back and let my daughter be her own person. I have to find a new way of relating to her and I haven’t quite figured that out yet.”

Children are dependent upon their parents to help them navigate the early stages of their development. They identify with their parents, internalizing many of their traits, attributes, mindsets and values. Adolescence is a time when one learns to think and feel for themselves and to determine their own wants and needs. Adolescents go through a process known as individualization. This is a critical stage of an adolescent’s development in which they pull away from their parents in order to form a separate and distinct identity. Adolescents need time and space to learn to formulate their own thoughts, work through their own feelings and issues and to get a sense of what’s best for them. They may need to distance from or sometimes even reject the parents they had once identified with as they grow into adulthood.

Raising children is a growth process for parent and child. It can at times be painful for both, albeit for different reasons. Our pain comes in letting go and theirs comes from the struggle to grow up and find a place among their peers. Younger generations are also facing a whole new set of challenges. They are vulnerable to the influence of the media. And their dependence upon texting and social media is preventing many from developing the basic social skills that are necessary to function in today’s world.

The years between thirteen and eighteen can be especially difficult. Adolescents want the freedom of an adult. The problem here that they have yet to reach the level of maturity that would enable them to make the best decisions. A parent’s first response is to want to reach out to protect and guide their children. Sometimes parents have to stand back and allow their children to make their own mistakes and learn their own lessons.

Amy went on to say “I watched my mother struggle to relate to my daughter. She was wonderful with her as a baby and when she was little. But she couldn’t relate to my daughter as she got older. My mother continually tried to relate to my daughter as though she were a little girl. She could no longer find any common ground and now I see that I’m struggling with the same issue. So that’s something for me to work on.”

The process of individualization that children go through as they reach adolescence can sometimes be difficult and even painful for parents and grandparents. Many feel threatened by the changes taking place as their children begin to pull away, form their own separate sense of identity and go on to live a life of their own. The process can be far more difficult for parents that are limited in their capacity to process their own feelings. The children are growing into adulthood and yet the parents are still fixated at a time in the past when their children were still small.

To some extent, we are all resistant to change. We try to keep our children small in our attempt to hold onto what is known or familiar. Watching the changes taking place in our children as they grow up can evoke a wide range of feeling. We may experience feelings such as grief, loss or hurt when our children move away from us or act out. The feelings will be more subtle at other times. We may sense a distance that wasn’t there before. We may struggle to relate to the person they are becoming and find ourselves longing for the connection we shared in times past. We need to be able to process all of these feelings. Those of us who fail to do so are left frozen in time and then we find ourselves reaching for something that is no longer there.

There may have been times in the past when we shared a very close and loving bond with our children. Children can become more distant as they grow into adulthood. We may feel as if there were a barrier separating us. And it may seem at times as though we can no longer reach them.

The only constant is change. It’s important for us to understand that all relationships change over time. There are different mental, emotional and energetic dynamic to every relationship. And these dynamic are always changing. We need to be in a space that allows for the changes that are taking place.

Everyone on the planet is going through some kind of change or evolution. It is critically important as parents for us to open up to fully experience any feelings that are being evoked by the changes taking place in our children. We can facilitate this process by sitting down, closing our eyes and then bringing them to the forefront of our awareness and then allowing ourselves to sense the mental, emotional and energetic dynamics between ourselves and our children. We then need to breathe softly and deeply while centering our awareness in the midst of any feelings and sensations that we experience within our bodies.

It’s important for us to stop and allow ourselves to fully feel the dynamics of the relationship for what it is at any given moment. In doing so, we feel our child’s presence. We may also sense their feelings and overall state of mind. We sense how close or distant they are. And we also experience our own feelings as they arise in response to the changes taking place with our children and any interactions we have with them.

Breathing into the feelings that arise facilitates a digestive process. This processing of our feelings helps us to clear up confusion, come to a place of understanding, resolve conflict, come to terms with what is and grow individually and in the context of our relationships. Our children are changing all the time. We are also changing and so is everyone else around us, therefore it’s important for us to take time to do this practice every day.

Working consistently with this practice makes it easier for us to come to terms with what is and adapt to the changes taking place with our children and in other significant people in our lives. We become more present in a way that enables us to experience people as they are in the here and now. It helps us to let go to the extent that we can allow our children to have the space they need to learn and grow and become who it is they are meant to be.

Adolescence is a period of intensive physical, intellectual and moral growth. It is often a time of confusion and upheaval in many households. Approaches to parenting that seemed to work so well during our children’s younger years may no longer be appropriate. One of the greatest advantages of working with the practice I’m sharing in this article is that it helps us to adapt so that we can respond appropriately to our teens changing needs as they continue to grow and mature.

Teens that were once compliant will begin to assert themselves and their opinions. We need to look at how much room we give our teens to be an individual by asking ourselves “Am I a controlling parent? Do I listen to my child and allow him or her to be a separate and distinct individual with opinions and tastes different from my own?” In some instances we may need to change our approach or our style of communication.

Parents who have a greater understanding of the changes taking place in their teens are better equipped to cope. We need to be educating ourselves. That may mean learning from the experiences of other parents, reading books, attending workshops about teens and in some instances seeking the help of a psychotherapist. Remembering how we struggled as we reflect back on our own teen years will also help us to be more understanding and supportive.

Adolescence is a time when our children begin to test their limits. Adolescents, not being fully cognizant of their own limitations and the dangers facing them, often believe they can handle anything thrown their way.

Basic ground rules need to be established and consequences need to be enforced when our teens fail to comply. They may not always happy with the expectations placed upon them, but they do need to know that we care enough about them to expect that they keep their grades up, fulfill their responsibilities, eat right and come home at a reasonable hour.

Adolescents often feel as if no one understands them or their feelings. In many instances they are left feeling angry, alone and confused as they struggle with the issues of being accepted by their peers, sexuality, drugs and finding their own sense of direction in life.

It’s important for us to stay present with our children. Spending time with our teens and listening to their concerns shows them that we care. Being there when they need us helps to provide them with a sense of groundedness and security as they grow into adulthood.

Children usually come around once they get a sense of who they are and learn to make their way through the world. The relationship may take on more of a quality of friendship once they do. Things have a way of coming around full circle. There may be a time in the future when we are dependent upon them for our care.

Amy then said “I felt terribly guilty about distancing from my own parents as an adolescent. One good thing that has come out of this experience with my daughter is that it has helped me to let go of all of that guilt. I know that distancing from my parents hurt them, but I now realize that I had to push them away so that I could grow up. Addressing these issues with my daughter has brought me a lot of comfort by helping me to reconcile this conflict that has been with me all these years.”

©Copyright 2014 Ben Oofana. All Rights Reserved. This content may be copied in full, with copyright, creation and contact information intact, without specific permission.

Ben Oofana is a healer who began his training with Horace Daukei, one of the last surviving traditional doctors among the Kiowa Indian tribe. Call (913) 927-4281 to learn more or to schedule an individual session.

Freeing Ourselves from the Vicious Cycle of Obsessive Thought

Leave a comment

obsessive thoughtsWe can easily fall into patterns of obsessive thought when we’re under a great deal of stress. And when that happens, we tend to go over and over the same thoughts and feelings. Obsessive thinking seldom brings about any true resolution of the matter. Thinking about the matters that are of concern to us is only useful to a certain point and after that we’re only recycling what we’ve already gone over. Circular thinking creates a vicious cycle by causing our anxiety to escalate and that only intensifies our obsessive thought patterns. Circular thinking becomes a trap that keeps us stuck in our heads. We become fixated and that prevents us from going through the internal processes needed to facilitate growth; therefore we continue to cycle through the same dramas.

There are many different levels of activity operating within our minds. Powerful currents of memory, thought and emotion operate beneath the surface of our conscious awareness. These forces are the drivers that create the underlying themes that play out in our lives and shape our personality. And then there are levels of surface thought and feeling that run through our conscious mind. Most people live their lives caught up in the surface drama, but they never really get to the underlying source of what’s driving them.

I make concerted effort to be aware of my own internal processes. I’ll force myself to stop whenever I notice myself going over and over the same thoughts. I then ask myself, “What are the deepest feelings behind all of this drama or mental chatter?” And then I start breathing into any feelings that I can gain access to.

Breathing into the feelings as they arise takes me right to the source of the issues by helping me to access the deeper levels of thoughts and feelings along with the memories of experiences pertaining to any unresolved issues. Pieces start coming together as I begin to recognize the connection between my current situation and the unresolved issues from earlier parts of my life. The greater healing intelligence residing within facilitates a process that enables me to digest these thoughts, feelings and experiences. It also brings consciousness into parts of my psyche that have been playing out limiting or destructive patterns. Continued practice has made me conscious of patterns of behavior that I was previously oblivious to, and has allowed me to change the way that I move through the world.

Breathing into the anxiety and other feelings that lie beneath the anxious mental chatter diffuses the underlying emotional force that fuels obsessive thoughts. It’s important for us to understand that there will still be instances where we find ourselves getting caught up in the dramas unfolding in our lives. We will at times have to refocus our attention on the underlying feelings.

Obsessive thought exists along a continuum. Everyone experiences obsessive thoughts at some time along the way. We sometimes worry about the well-being of friends and family. We obsess about our love interests any time we wait for their call or hope they will reciprocate our feelings or try to figure out why act as they do. Those of us who struggle to get by often worry about whether we will be able to make enough money to make ends meet.

Chronic patterns of obsessive thought often arise in response to the emotional wounding that occurs at various stages in our lives. This wounding is compounded by the fact that we did not possess the understanding or resources necessary to facilitate healing.

Overwhelming or traumatically stressful events can easily elicit powerful emotional states that in turn trigger powerful biochemical reactions within the brain. The combination of powerful emotions and the brains biochemical response often becomes a habituated body-mind reaction that can easily be triggered by situations, people or issues that act as a reminder of the initial traumas or stressful life events.

The practice that I’m sharing with you has been an important part of my healing process. I soon realized that I didn’t possess all the resources I needed to completely heal on my own. I began to work with a number of exceptionally powerful healers whenever the opportunity presented itself. And then I began to go on the vision quest, a traditional Native American practice that involves going out to fast alone in the mountains for four days and nights without food or water. It was during the vision quests that I healed and developed the gifts that have made it possible for me to facilitate healing in others.

The presence working through me during the individual healing sessions does a “reset” of the entire body-mind system. The emotional triggers associated with obsessive thought are dismantled and replaced with newer healthier models that facilitate more adaptive and resourceful responses to life’s challenges. You will become much calmer and develop a more grounded presence as the highly charged emotions fueling your obsessive thoughts are diffused and then digested. New resources begin to emerge that will enable you to become far more effective in all areas of your life. You will also develop the capacity to relax and let go when needed so that you can better flow with life as it unfolds.

©Copyright 2013 Ben Oofana. All Rights Reserved. This content may be copied in full, with copyright, creation and contact information intact, without specific permission.

Ben Oofana is a healer who began his training with Horace Daukei, one of the last surviving traditional doctors among the Kiowa Indian Tribe. The individual sessions will free you of patterns of obsessive thought by facilitate healing of the deep emotional wounds. Call (913) 927-4281 to learn more or to schedule an individual session.

Finding the Source of Nourishment Within

Leave a comment

sun image
Pasha began to open up to me one day about the profound sense of emptiness she feels on the inside “…I often feel scared and restless, feeling as though I have to reach outside of myself for something in order to survive. I can’t explain what is it that I’m looking for, but I’m constantly searching and that creates a lot of stress and distraction in my life. I’m trying to find these moments of joy and happiness that prove to be elusive. I manage to grab onto them at times, but they never truly satisfy me. I always find myself wanting more, but more is either not available or never enough.”

I responded by saying “I wasn’t very conscious of my body until the trauma of my childhood and adolescence began to make its way to the surface during my mid to late twenties. Lots of things didn’t seem to be working in my life at that time. I was struggling to survive financially and my relationships were reflecting the traumas of my early life. And that was evoking lots of painful feelings.

Most people find a way to numb themselves or disconnect from the painful feelings. Escape routes never seemed to work for me. I found myself consumed by debilitating pain that was so intense and feared that I could go over the edge. I had an intuitive sense that I needed to breathe into the painful feelings.

I taught myself to go down into the middle of the feelings that arose during those times when my life didn’t seem to be working. I just kept breathing into the feelings and I continued to follow them as they went through their progression. The initial stages of the process were sometimes very difficult, but the discomfort would either break apart and come out of my body in waves, dissolve or dissipate. The process could take minutes, hours and sometimes even days, but I would keep breathing until I eventually came out the other side. I began to realize that no matter how intense or extreme the feelings became, that I would still be okay.

Pain became a doorway during those times in my life when nothing seemed to be working. The pain was excruciating, but at a certain point I could feel something breaking open. I would then feel these emanations flowing from within in the form of a warmth, vibration or tingling sensations. These emanations had a very nourishing and sustaining quality. I began to feel connected to something greater than myself as this presence grew stronger filling my entire body. At times I felt as though I had tapped into an eternal presence.

My sense of connectedness grew as I continued to work with this practice. Over time I began to feel this presence with me at all times. This presence became noticeably stronger when I began to work with this practice consistently.”

Does it really matter what we achieve?

Pasha then asked me if it really mattered what we achieved in this life.

“It’s important for us to find a balance. We’re living here in physical bodies on this planet and we all strive to meet basic needs for comfort and security. We need to be engaged with the world around us and to have some sense of purpose or direction. The things that we achieve in this world that are connected to the expression of our authentic selves facilitate growth and personal development.

We want to enjoy a certain quality of life and to some extent we are dependent upon others to meet our needs. And yet other people and our circumstances do not always work to our advantage. Even when they do, there are limits to the enjoyment or satisfaction we can derive through others.

Most of us are not with the love of our life. Our relationships are often not working the way we want them to. We may struggle financially. And we may encounter all kinds of hardships and difficulties along the way. Everyone and everything in this material world is transitory. Our bodies break down, we age and eventually die. Every one we ever know or love will leave or die. Everything that we build will eventually come down. Nothing will last forever. The only thing we have that continues is our own connection to the source.

We experience feelings of hurt, grief, loss, fear, anger and disappointment in response to the setbacks and losses we incur. Learning to “digest” our feelings enables us to maintain a healthy form of detachment. That will enable us to derive grater enjoyment from what we experience along the way.

We can learn to make a practice of taking whatever happens in our lives and using it as fuel for growth. Breathing into the feelings that surface when things do not seem to be going our way makes it easier for us to let go of what’s now working. We will become more receptive to new opportunities that come along. We will experience more peace within and find ourselves moved by a greater presence.”

Pasha was saying “I sometimes find it difficult to be fully engaged. I see other people working to their full capacity who are totally engaged in life. But with all that pain coming out I don’t feeling like doing much of anything.”

“The pain and stress held within often cause us to shut down or contract in ways that make it difficult for us to function. I didn’t feel like doing much of anything during the more difficult stages of the healing process. The sense of heaviness gradually became lighter as we continued to take the steps necessary to facilitate healing. The source of nourishment flowing from within creates the momentum that gives us a clearer sense of purpose and direction and compels us to be fully engaged.”

Pasha then said “I’m experiencing a lot of painful sensations in the low back and pressure in my head. Will this healing presence began to awaken and will I derive some sense of nourishment if I keep breathing into the feelings and sensations in these parts of my body? How would breathing into the painful sensations connect me with this source of nourishment?”

“Unprocessed feelings and other stresses held within can situate themselves in various parts of our bodies. The pain and stress that we hold within has a very numbing or deadening effect. Whole portions of our body-mind consciousness shut down and we lose touch with the innate healing power that resides within.

It’s important for us to let down our resistance by fully opening up to any pain or discomfort. We need to center our awareness in the middle of the pain and other forms of discomfort lodged in various parts of our bodies. Breathing softly and deeply with our attention fully immersed in the feelings and sensations activates the innate healing intelligence residing within. This healing intelligence helps us to dissolve and then digest the pain and stress held within various parts of our bodies.

Breathing into our feelings and bodily sensations awakens that innate healing intelligence that resides within. It also opens doorways that and that makes it possible for us to connect with a presence greater than ourselves. This presence will nourish and sustain us. We can greatly accelerate this process by working with a powerful healer.”

Pasha then asked me “What about people who are not going through a lot of pain? How can they connect to this presence within?”

I responded by saying “We all encounter adversity somewhere along the way. We may experience emptiness or boredom. We worry about our health, our financial security and the people who matter to us. We experience grief when the people we love and care about are no longer a part of our lives. We struggle to know what direction to go and feel unfulfilled in different aspects of our lives.

Breathing into the feelings and sensations that arise awakens the greater healing intelligence residing within. This will enable us to digest the stresses, connect to the authentic core residing within and tap into a greater presence.”

©Copyright 2013 Ben Oofana. All Rights Reserved. This content may be copied in full, with copyright, creation and contact information intact, without specific permission.

Ben Oofana is a healer who began his training with Horace Daukei, one of the last surviving traditional doctors among the Kiowa Indian tribe. The practices he teaches and individual healing sessions will enable you to heal and find the source of nourishment within. Call (913) 927-4281 to learn more or to schedule an individual session.

Replenishing the Depleted Body and Mind

Leave a comment

fatigue
Harlan, like so many of us nowadays, is working way too many hours. He’s built a successful business over the past ten years. He’s made lots of sacrifices and has accomplished a great deal, but his body and mind are definitely paying the price. His days consist primarily of working at the computer and spending time on the phone with customers. That becomes very depleting, literally sucking the life force out of his body. Harlan also has a tendency to live in his head and that leaves him very disconnected from his feelings and physical body. I could definitely sense the depletion as I looked into his body. Harlan’s kidneys had become so depleted that it was interfering with the quality of his sleep. He has to rely on sleeping pills to knock himself out at the end of the day.

I began the session by having Harlan breathe into the sense fatigue that he described throughout his body. After some time Harlan told me that he was experiencing bloating in his abdomen and inflammation in his joints. Unprocessed emotions and other stresses that had accumulated and the resulting impairment of his digestion were causing the bloating.

The bloating and inflammation began to subside as Harlan continued to breathe into the physical sensations within his body. He began feel the life force flowing through his body as that happened.

Harlan works very hard and yet he’s not doing much of anything to counteract the stress. He told me that he was doing much better a few months prior when was practicing Tai Chi consistently, but had since gone downhill. Harlan needs to be doing practice every day. I can always see the wear and tear that occurs within his body where there are long gaps between sessions. Harlan has tremendous difficulty sticking with healthy food choices and the daily discipline that would enable him to maintain his health. His inability to stick with the foods and practices that nourish his body and mind has a lot to do with his tendency to disconnect from his feelings. Unprocessed emotions and other stresses that accumulate within his body create internal resistance and inertia. That’s why Harlan often feels burned out and is often lacking in enthusiasm.

I have worked with a number of people like Harlan that push themselves to the point of exhaustion. Many will let months go by between sessions because of their unwillingness to make any kind of serious investment of time and energy in their health. And that’s why so many people get into serious trouble with their health. I feel concerned by the inertia or deadening that I see, especially when I can tell that it’s causing their bodies to break down. I do the best I can to recognize people’s limitations and to reach them where they’re at.

The deadening that was taking place in Harlan’s abdominal region was notable. But I could feel the presence working through me during healing session dissolving the armor by softening the abdominal organs. The internal organs become more alive and responsive whenever I work with Harlan and that brings him back to life.

The sessions revive Harlan and get his body back on track. He sleeps better afterwards, his digestion improves and his enthusiasm for life is renewed. He has said on many occasions that he feels revived as though he had slept for a long time or taken a much needed vacation. Harlan just needs to slow down enough to be present with his feelings and physical body. He needs to breathe into the feelings and sensations that he experiences within his body on a daily basis and show up for the healing sessions at least once a month.

The abdominal region is a critically important part of the foundation that enables us to be firmly rooted in our bodies. Many of us are overwhelmed by the demands of our daily lives. We may experience abdominal bloating as the physical and emotional toxins accumulate within our digestive tract. Unprocessed feelings, the stresses of daily life and physical toxins have a deadening effect upon this part of our body and our overall body-mind consciousness. The deadening of the consciousness in our midsection cuts us off from a critical source of nourishment that is needed to replenish our bodies and minds. People often get into serious trouble as that happens.

The abdominal region affects all the organs and systems of the body. The enteric nervous system, which is embedded in the lining of the gastrointestinal system, contains a hundred million neurons that produce the same neurotransmitters found within the brain. Sixty to Seventy percent our immune system is located in the gut as a vast network of lymph tissue referred to as GALT (gut associated lymphatic tissue). We need to keep this region of our body and all the organs contained therein soft, fluid and alive.

Harlan said something about finding someone to learn Chi Gong from. Chi Gong is a very powerful and effective practice for developing one’s body and mind and I do a lot of it on a daily basis. But Chi Gong practice isn’t anywhere near as effective for helping us to digest the toxic emotional residue and other stresses that get trapped within our bodies. Breathing into the feelings and sensations enables us to get deep down inside the cells and organs to digest the emotional residue and other stresses held within in a way that Chi Gong practice won’t.

Chi Gong and the practice I teach of having people breathe into the feelings and sensations present within their bodies are two very different approaches to healing and developing one’s body and mind. I encourage people to do both forms of practice. The practice of breathing into our feelings and sensations is one of the most powerful means we have available of reconnecting with our bodies. We need to make this form of meditation a part of our daily practice.

Many of us are working and commuting excessively long hours, spending way too much time on the internet and not getting enough rest. Our bodies and minds can easily become overwhelmed by the stress. The energies of fatigue or exhaustion, unprocessed emotions and the stresses of everyday life can easily get trapped in our bodies unless we make a conscientious effort to digest them. We need to make time to be fully present with our bodies by breathing into our tiredness, fatigue and exhaustion that we experience throughout our bodies.

Much of that stress accumulates within the abdomen. We also need to be breathing while focusing our attention on any fullness, deadening or congestion held in our abdomen. Breathing into our feelings and bodily sensations awakens the innate healing intelligence residing within our bodies and minds. Consistent practice will help to bring our depleted body back to life. It will also increase our life force.

Native Americans didn’t have access to the modern medical interventions that many depend upon today. They relied upon the forces of nature to effect healing within the body and mind that would not have otherwise been possible. I spent a number of years training with Horace Daukei, the last surviving traditional doctor among the Kiowa Indian tribe and have since continued with the vision quest.

The individual healing sessions have profound regenerative effects upon the body and mind. The presence working through me repairs damage within the physical and subtle bodies. Stagnant emotions and other stresses held within the body are digested. Depleted bodies literally come back to life.

©Copyright 2013 Ben Oofana. All Rights Reserved. This content may be copied in full, with copyright, creation and contact information intact, without specific permission.

Ben Oofana is a healer who began his training with Horace Daukei, one of the last surviving traditional doctors among the Kiowa Indian tribe. The practices he teaches and individual healing sessions replenish and heal depleted bodies and minds bringing them back to life. Call (913) 927-4281 to learn more or to schedule an individual session.